Nonsensical Ramblings of Mark

I have to admit that a lot of times I do not feel all that comfortable with God. I mean, sometimes I wish He would just leave me alone. Why this dogged determination of His to conform me into the image of His Son? Why this world this way? Why am I convicted more than assured? I often feel like the steward who says to the Master - "I knew you were a severe man who takes what you do not deposit and reaps what you do not sow." Why indeed Lord. Why do I shake my finger at you and wave you off with my puny hands? You are nothing that I would have invented because the fabric you clothe me with irritates and chafes. Will my flesh ever fade? Will my spirit ever strengthen? Will I ever, forever, say "Yes! Yes!" and move to the strength of that conviction? Not this side of heaven You say? Then more - more of the foretaste my heart aches for. More practicality born out of the realization and embrace of my position before You. Grace is all I need...and all I have.

I am sure this puts me firmly in the pagan camp. Well, maybe. At any rate I am one of those people that looks forward to December 21 or 22 every year as this marks the Winter Solstice - the shortest day of the year. For me, a daylight lover, this is my yearly rebirth. The slow descent into the cold, blue, dark of Winter gives way to the promise of Spring. I know, you're saying that Winter has barely begun and you are looking forward to Spring? Dreaming of April are we? Yes and no. I do not hide my dislike for the taskmaster that Winter is - he punishes me with his dry wind from the north pushing me deeper, still deeper into myself until I barely even recognize who I am. I celebrate that the days of the instrument of darkness that he envelopes me with, come December 22, are numbered. Slowly, even slowly, a minute is added to the span of light here, a second there, and in despair he hurls even more tumult until his death throes consume him in March. Then, hope firmly laid aside in it

Well, the photo scavenger hunt went off with nary a hitch last night. My team (the "epricots") really got into it and had a good time. My wife made up quite a few homemade treats to cap off the night and things went about as well as they could have. Here is the clue list we used (with answers) for the inside group: Item #1: I'm an organizer for papers and bills. Don't forget my rollers and rails! (filing cabinet) Item #2: It's like the North Pole in here. (freezer) Isaiah 1:18 Item #3: You can snuggle up near this on a cold night and read a good book. (fireplace) Matthew 3:11 Item #4: You will find me with four legs, but no hair. People may ride me for hours, but I don't go anywhere without needing to be tugged, jerked or turned on, I always manage to be ready for work. (desk) Hebrews 1:3 Item #5: Before me they used Morse Code. (telephone) Philippians 3:14 Item #6: What object has a KEY that opens no locks, has SPACE but no room, and you can ENTER, but not go

Wow yesterday was busy. I got into work and had a surprise 4-hour meeting to attend in the afternoon. I needed to get some information prepared for the meeting so that took the morning. Imagine that...I had to work at work. Things have calmed down a bit, but not by much. We will be having a photo scavenger hunt in the Champions club (3-6 grade boys and girls) tomorrow night so I am busy getting stuff together for that as I thought of the idea and am the coordinator of the night. I think it will be a good time. I have had to scale things back a bit from my original vision, but that's not all together a bad thing. Just need to be flexible, which a I am, up to a point I guess. Nothing else much new here. I am solidly into the Minor Prophets in my Bible reading program (Amos) and I think I will go for it again next year. I have really enjoyed it and I am getting a lot out of reading through it with the program I am in right now. Thankfully my wife has taken an interest in reading in be

Slowly but surely I am getting things up and going on the Ubuntu laptop. This morning I just got the DVD player working (got the Sheerluck Holmes DVD in there now) and now I need to tackle local and network printing. All in all if I can get that stuff working (and some of the games my son likes to play working in Wine) I'll be a Linux-only guy as far as my travel system goes. There is really nothing else I will need to make this transition and the Ubuntu distribution is fun to work with. There is a giant amount of information on the web about it and I am thankful for that. Maybe someday I can return the favor for another Linux noob like myself. We'll see.

So I am constructing this post in Ubuntu Linux (v. 6.10) running in a 9 gigabyte partition on my laptop using Firefox 2.0. It took a little bit to get the internet connection to work (I had to enable the network connection) but all in all it was not too bad. My next goal is to get the dial-up modem to work, but that should not be that big of a deal. I am a happy little Linux user now and am looking forward to learning a lot more about the OS as time goes on. I haven't dumped Windows XP yet (that is running on the other, much larger, partition) as there are still things I need it for at work. But, maybe someday, we'll be a Linux shop at home. We'll see. I do know that right now the desktop computer I have at home is a non-starter as far as any OS beyond Windows 98 SE goes. But, hey, a dual-boot laptop with XP and Ubuntu should satisfy my gravings for the new and different for a while.

I had a flash that came across my mind as I sat with the church on Sunday and I am not sure where it will all lead. The pastor was talking about the incomparable person Christ is and I got to thinking about something. I had always placed an almost too great an emphasis on the work that Christ performed here on earth and especially on the cross. There is no question that the salvation he provides to us in an awesome display of love, sacrifice, justice, holiness...all of that and more. Taking a step back from that I realized (this may be so elemental that it is laughable) that Christ would not have been able to accomplish what he did had he not been the Person that he was from all eternity. OK, so the work that he did is (can I say this?) subordinate to the Person that he is, namely, the eternal Son of God. Who he is lends credence to the doctrine of the impeccability of Christ. Rather than focus on what he did I am going to try to focus on who he is. I think that is more in line with th

One thing we Baptists (as a corporate church body) do not do well is prepare. I know that this is probably something I need to undertake myself (if I only had the discipline to do it), but I really miss the Advent season that I grew up with as I attended the Catholic church. The four weeks that preceded Christmas were unbelievably meaningful to me, and to my family I suppose, and they were an effective vehicle for me to prepare for the day of Christ's first fleshly appearance on this humble ground. I appreciated the colors the sanctuary was decked out in...the mystery (to me anyway) why we lit the pink candle in the advent wreath on the third week rather than the fourth...the evergreen that symbolized life in the midst of the death of winter...the anticipation that it all produced in me for Christmas day. I could almost taste the desire for that day. It all put me in touch with the longing that the Jews had for their Deliverer. Even though Christ was a disappointment to the vast ma

My boys and I have been enjoying a series of books that some friends of ours lent to us called Adam Raccoon by Glen Keane. My favorite is Adam Raccoon and the Flying Machine. The oldest likes Adam Raccoon and the Lost Woods and I think the youngest is still undecided, but the bully one where Adam plays soccer seems to be a favorite with him. I really enjoy the drawings and the story line of each one of the books. They are real doorways to go over what Adam did wrong , what the lion, Kin Aren , encouraged him to do, and how Adam succeeded . I catch the boys every once and a while opening the books up and going through them on their own so I know that they are not something I am forcing them into. They have taken a genuine like to these little books. These books are definitely a good gift from God and I am so glad that they were brought into their little lives. And mine too.

Ever since I read the book The Peacemaker by Ken Sande I have been looking for an opportunity to coach someone in peacemaking. Well, the pastor of the church I attend looks like he is going to open up an opportunity for me to do just that and it scares me. This is the first time I will have an opportunity to do this "formally" (or as formal as coaching gets) but with God's help I will have a go at it. I had a conversation with someone a while back about the book and he mentioned that he did not think that the author had addressed how he should go about being reconciled to a pastor that he was in a conflict with. I let the comment go, but I don't think he read the book that I did. I found it to be a comprehensive look at the Scripture as it pertains to making peace and being reconciled with those who we are estranged from in one way or another. I really think that the book handled the Bible correctly in all regards in this area as it is a completely unnatural and novel

One of our pastors presented a sermon where he mentioned that we are so busy praying for good things from a good God that we fail to pray for great things from a great God. I agree and have been guilty of that as well. For example, praying that my son would have a good day in Kindergarten where he payed attention and did his best is squarely in the good things category. Praying that God would get a hold of his heart, save him, and sanctify him for a lifelong molding into the image of His Son - well, you get the picture. Sometimes this means that my son will go through difficult times, low moments, sickness, etc. so that he can become more like Christ. I need to be all right with that and even rejoice that the good work is progressing. I want that in his life in the worst way. In both of my boy's lives. On a more mundane note, my first exercise session in two weeks was a rousing success - warm up for 4 minutes, jog for 22 minutes, cool down for 4 minutes. I don't want to get ahe

Yup, I got the clear sky alarm multiple times for tonight here in Rochester, so I am going to try to find the comet Swan yet again. It should be an easy enough target for the scope and, hopefully, by the time I get outside it will be high enough in the Western sky for me to get a good look at it. I think this may be the real deal...unlike the last time I got to the parent's house and the clouds were rolling in. We'll see. At any rate the battery for the scope is being charged and I will be ready to roll come what may. Vacation day tomorrow and then a couple of holiday days for Thanksgiving and the like so I will be incommunicado for a while. Are those crickets I hear?

I started this little exercise on November 16, 2005. Today is November 20, 2006. A year has gone by and I have over 220 posts to prove it. So why do I keep doing this? Do I need to answer that? I mean are my motivations that important? They are. In fact, they are everything. I would rather drink a cup full of razor blades than get caught leading someone into sin. I would rather be silenced than continue to talk and pollute someones mind with something that is false. It would hurt (maybe more than the razor blades even) but it would be good. I guess this writing helps focus me and gives me an outlet. I know I could keep a journal in a not so conspicuous place, but being the geek that I am to say that I have a blog fulfills another side of me I guess. Not that I have publicized this much. It is better for someone to stumble across this than to have them feel compelled to come. So my words continue to take up space on the Blogger servers and, prayerfully, the good ones in people's min

Wow - it has been a super busy and frustrating week this week. Last Saturday I stubbed my little toe on my left foot and it has not healed sufficiently for me to exercise. That has been so frustrating to me I almost want to scream. It is funny how ingrained my morning exercises have become into my routine that I miss them when they are not there. Skipping them on vacation is one thing, but when I am home, well, that is another story I guess. I am pressuring myself to get back into the swing of things and, of course, that presents its own issues. What is that about not letting circumstances control how I feel? Yeah - easier siad than done I am afraid. I guess I can rest in the fact that I realize I am falling into that trap. But how much better would it be if I actually did something about it? Don't answer that. Work has been super busy as well and it looks like we'll be slipping software relase dates AGAIN for a large customer I am working with. It is not all our fault and I am

Well, I am in the home stretch of my read-through-the-Bible program this year and found the books of Jeremiah, Lamentations, and Ezekiel to be a tough slog. Not so much that they are difficult to understand (although a real Bible study in any one of these books would take a while), but that they are so depressing. The days of Israel's greatness were absolutely in the past and the false prophets/religion and captivity were set in so hard it makes me wonder how they ever got out of it. Obviously the books of Esther, Nehemiah, and Ezra (and to a lesser extent Daniel) talk about the restoration of Israel by God Himself after his wrath was full (or as full as it could get save the work of His Son), but what a dark and gloomy picture these books paint. No wonder Jeremiah wept so bitterly. On a related note I have found the NIV to be a much easier read than the NASB. I know this is a big "duh" for most folks, and the NASB is still my preferred translation, but I have been enjoyi

Talk to God Let's Talk to God Before the night is through - Undercover It is a good thing my wife was sitting down to lunch with us yesterday because I would have missed it. My oldest son said that he talked to God. The conversation went something like this: "I talked to God", he said to no one in particular. "You talked to God?" his mother asked. Dad's ears perked up as the youngest ate his peaches oblivious, or so I thought, to the conversation. "Yes," he answered not realizing the gravity of the situation. "Do you talk to God a lot?" his mother asked. "Yeah," he answered after nodding his head slightly. "What did you talk to God about?" his dad asked. "He had a truck and I wanted it," he reported referencing his youngest brother. "Oh," his dad answered. "You know, it is good to talk to God about things that we want. Sometimes He will give them to us and sometimes He'll ask us to wait f

Well, we instituted a "no video before bed" policy on school nights and it seems to be working out all right. Of course, they got to watch one last night as the oldest has today off for Veteran's Day, but it seems to be holding and I think we are better off for it. We let them watch pretty much zero television (save their videos and the Veggies and Penguins on Saturday mornings when we are around) and I think that is a good thing. Of course I realized how dependent I was on their video time too. Like last night when they were watching their Thomas video I went to get milk and other items and got the parent's mail in. It was nice to sit when they went to bed. Sometimes I would mop the kitchen floor when they were in front of their video too. Well, my routine had to change as well and, even through that, it was a good change.

Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity ! It is like the precious oil upon the head, coming down upon the beard, even Aaron’s beard, coming down upon the edge of his robes. It is like the dew of Hermon coming down upon the mountains of Zion; for there the LORD commanded the blessing--life forever. Psalm 133 Recently there has been reconciliation with some people that I am close to. When I see the International Space Station, or the Spitzer, Hubble, and Chandra observatories, or the Space Shuttle entering the atmosphere with its sonic boom I often think that this is humanity at its best. Reconciliation is, quite frankly, God at His best. Look what He did to reconcile us to Him. Look what He does to restore fellowship with our fellow man. I am often at my worst in conflict. It doesn't have to be this way, but it often is. Reconciliation is me at my best for it allows me to participate in the Divine nature in a most profound and meaningful way.

I should have known it was too good to be true. I got a clear sky alert for last night and, upon examining other sources, it looked iffy at best. So, I did some research as to what would be visible and saw that comet C/2006 M4 (Swan) looked to be high enough in the Western sky to be a good target. Then I got all excited. Then I got to the observing location and noticed dense clouds in the Southwest. Bummer. By the time I would have gotten set up and aligned things would have had gone from bad to worse so I bagged it. And the weather does not look like it will cooperate for the Mercury transit tomorrow either. Oh well - such is life in Rochester in the Autumn. A cloud-busting telescope is what I need for Christmas. Well, not really, because if I needed it my Father would have given it to me already.

Once a month the North Baptist Church family gathers on Sunday evening for a night of singing and also to welcome new members into the church. We decided (since the youngest does not like the nursery so well) to have our youngest son sit with us during the hour-long service. He did fine and even sang some of the songs that were familiar to him (he is 3 years old). As he sat beside me singing I couldn't understand a word he was saying. But he sang and I encouraged him the best I could. And then it hit me - how similar my son and I am. I mean, how much of my prayers, praise, and meditation is simply noise that needs to be interpreted or understood simply for what it is? I am sure that my communication with God Himself is more like my son's than the most intelligent thing that God has ever heard from a human. If it isn't my words, then maybe it is my motives messing things up. Even when I pray the Scriptures, how much of our English translation clearly reflects the original in

When I dragged my son's humidifier into the bathroom to fill it with water for the night he triumphantly exclaimed, "Daddy, today is November because I have Larry sings the blues on my calendar." He has a VeggieTales calendar that goes with his VeggieTales room that he really enjoys. And time marches on. There is so much that is short and evil about these days. The energy I spend in making them count for eternity is a worthy investment. Redeeming the time is something great that God does and I want Him to do it in ever-increasing measure through me. I get so weary though and discouraged. Listening to NPR on the way home - everything was about Iraq or the elections. Will everything change if the troops are withdrawn or if the Democrats take the legislative branch? Everything will change, but nothing of true consequence will change. We'll vote this year, and in 2008, and in 2010 if the Lord so wills it. And this day will be a faded flower of a memory and this time will

I have had the chance to do some XML/XSLT stuff at work and I have been enjoying it. I have an XML file that I am receiving from an internally-developed application and am transforming it into a Excel spreadsheet. It has been cool and I realized how much I have missed it. I have been doing some design/customer relations stuff lately and that has been good, but there is nothing like good old fashioned development. Also, I have downloaded a super astronomy program called Stellarium that has an interface to my telescope. I have not been able to test the interface yet as I do not have the right cable to go to my hand control, but I would like to score one soon. Technology is so cool.

I had a very vivid dream last night that seems to be summing up my life lately. I was in a Sunday School class at the church I gather with and I was asked to give a rundown of my favorite verse. I read a passage from Jeremiah (which I am in right now in my Bible reading program) and gave quite a stirring explanation as to how God worked in my life through the verse. The whole class was excited about what I had said. The Pastor then tapped me on the shoulder and said he wanted to meet with me after the service to discuss something. I assumed the topic of the meeting was the Peacemaker material that I handed in a bit earlier in the month. It was turning out to be a good day. Then I looked at the clock and noticed that I totally forgot something. I was supposed to be in the Sunday School class helping my wife with the 2 and 3 year olds. I quickly gathered my things and ran down the stairs only to find that they had already dismissed the class. I totally missed it and let her down. The

I have written, in a previous post, about how there are certain artists that tap into something inside of me and either sing, draw, paint, or write something that resonates with me. Here are a couple of more that I have recently run across: From there to here and here to there, funny things are everywhere. - Dr. Seuss I don't know why but I get goosebumps every time I read this. What is it that makes this little sentence such a joy to read and ponder? My wife and I went to the Memorial Art Gallery here in Rochester on our Anniversary to the Color and Conservation exhibit that showcased the work of Georgia O'Keeffe and her interest in preserving her work for future generations. There was a painting there that caught my eye and I think it is my favorite piece from her. I don't know what it is about the painting, but I do know this - I love the deep greens that O'Keeffe paints. They are so deep and rich and the image in this post does not do the painting justice. Kind of

One of my favorite artists is Salvador Dali. Of course being a surrealist his images are amazing and even grotesque at times, but they ring true in my experience and I identify with them on so many different levels. One of the more fantastic paintings from him is the Temptation of St. Anthony where Anthony is presented with numerous temptations that he must confront and overcome through the power of God Himself. There is a song by Charlie Peacock that conjures up this image in my mind called Insult Like the Truth: I've run my ship aground on the rocks of the soul There's no lie like independence there's no demon like control I've fanned the burning embers til my house was on fire There's no parody like power There's no fever like desire I've drained the wine of darkness to the dregs of deceit There's no drug as strong as pride There's no blindness like conceit I've railed against the mountain With a pick axe and a file There's no minefield li

The sermon delivered on Sunday reminded me of one of my favorite definitions of sanctification: Sanctification is the work that God does in our life in order for me to live out practically what I am in position. My wife thought it was a bit freakish that I have a favorite definition of sanctification. I will consider my parenting a success if my boys have one. I say this a bit tongue in cheek but I do want them to pursue the deeper things of the faith and reject surface-level belief. My youngest left quite an impression (positive) in his Sunday school class yesterday. One of the teacher who we have a fondness for, said that he was very polite, attentive, and often quite amusing. He is a good boy with a big personality. I just pray that he does not fall into the same traps I did when I was growing up. Especially in high school. I was such a jerk that I vowed that when I went to college that I would not repeat the same mistakes. God got a hold of me and I didn’ t. Thank God there

I have a family member that is struggling with a sin in his life. We have all counseled him on a biblical way to solve this problem, but he just doesn’t seem to be interested in grabbing a hold of the solutions we have proposed. One suggestion we have made to him is something that I have found to be very powerful and that is called the replacement principle. The Bible constantly talks about putting off something and putting on something else. This is the negative paired with the positive and, the way God wired us, both have to operate in our lives for us to see any positive change. He is trying to put off the old, but putting on the new is escaping him at the moment. And his frustration mounts. As does mine. I guess this is what it means when we do things "in our own strength."

He died. My uncle died and I know that things will never be the same again in my aunt’s life, the life of my cousins, and the life of our family. It really hasn’t hit me yet. We are to go to the funeral mass next week and it really is so sterile here. Just waiting and dreading the time that I will be there to see what sin has wrought. To see the ones he has left behind. To reflect on the impact that he has had on my life. To wonder what this means for her. To trust, yet again, that death has no dominion over my wife and I. All of this as I look her in the eye and say those words I never, ever, want my wife and children to hear: “I am so sorry…”

It worked, well sort of. I did get out of bed this morning and onto the treadmill but I felt so much better this morning than I did on Monday it was not even funny. When I took a step back to assess how I felt I was amazed at the difference. I was even up before 6:00 a.m. and off the treadmill a little after 6:30. Good for me and for the oldest who needed a little motivation to get up today. I finally caught up in my read-through-the-Bible-in-a-year program (I had been behind since my last trip out of state) just starting the books of Jeremiah and Hebrews. This year has been a little easier than years past as I do most of my reading just before bed. I am up to 16 minutes jogging (out of 30 minutes) on the treadmill. That is good for me because I was at 12 minutes for far too long. I need to reject stagnation and improve myself by reaching for higher ground. In everything.

I couldn’t get out of bed this morning. Well, it was more like I wouldn’t. I may have to start to apply the motivation test to me getting out of bed, much like I have had to do with all sorts of good habits I have endeavored over the years. It goes something like “if someone said to you that if you [insert good deed here] for [insert time period here] that they would give you a million dollars would you do it?” So if someone said that if you read your Bible for 20 minutes every day for one year that they would give you a million dollars would you do it?” Of course the answer would be yes. And of course that would reveal where my motivations, treasure, and heart is as well.

This morning I had a pleasant surprise. I was reading my parents mail (we are collecting for them as they are away) and I came across the Rochester Cursio newsletter where I saw the phrase “make a friend, be a friend, win a friend to Christ”. I thought that sounded a bit familiar to me. Looking on the back of the newsletter I found an email address to a priest that I had lost contact with named Father Joe Catanise. Unlike most Baptists I really am thankful for the time that I spent in the Catholic Church where I grew up and the Catholic schools I attended. Quite frankly, the people that I interacted with there led me straight to Christ. Now I know that my experience had more to do with my parents than my Catholic friends and extended family, but God moved me into a desire for Him and it culminated in a real relationship with Christ. He used people like Mike Haugh from Cardinal Mooney and Fr. Joe to show me genuine faith and place in me a hunger for Him. I was allowed to express my

Last night I was walking my two boys to their respective Awana clubs (one is in Sparks and the other is in Cubbies) and had them both by the hand. The youngest let go at some point and I thought he was following behind me so I walked on. He must have taken his eyes off of me for a time because he started to cry and scream “Daddy! Daddy!” I was only a few paces in front of him, but he was looking back into the gym from where we just came from for me. I walked briskly back to him calling his name. Finally he heard me and the look of horror on his face having lost me was replaced by relief and happiness. He yelled “Daddy” again and ran toward me. This got me to thinking of the times when I have “lost” God in my life. I can be assured that He is not behind or in front of me. Rather, He is a God who is near and not far off. But my reaction when far from Him is too often not one of horror or sadness nor seeking to correct the problem. Complacency, relief, even happiness creep in when He is n

I have been telling my boys stories about “my best friend” growing up and they seem to really like them. I think I want to try to see if I can get representation to get my idea published as a children’s book or as a series of books. I have always wanted to write and get something published so I think I am going to try. The maddening thing is I know I am going to need to work with an agent. I have a family member who is a successful artist who, obviously, has representation so I may need to visit with him and get some wisdom of the ins and outs of working with someone like this. Or maybe this is just a wild fantasy of mine and nothing will come of it. I remember working on a book in college that I thought had some novel ideas primarily around the imagination and how we could have never imagined the non-physical with purely physical experiences. But that never went anywhere. I don’t even know where the “manuscript” is. At any rate I will track my progress on this idea in this blog. Maybe

I have never, in my life, been more active than I am now. Between exercising (which I didn’t do this morning, btw) and working outside this year has been the most active ever. That having been said today, after a lot of work yesterday, I feel like a train wreck. Maybe it is because of a cold that I have that is hanging on just a bit too long but I do not feel good today. It was still worth the effort as yesterday was a quintessential (whoa, spelled that one right the first time) warm Autumn day. A real jewel not to be missed. We even sat outside last evening at ate ice cream at the Coldstone Creamery in Pittsford. The youngest saw that it was getting dark and started shouting “Where’s the moon? Where’s the moon?” It obviously hadn’t risen yet, but he was still insistent on seeing it. I saw it this morning on the way into work. A classic waning gibbous. It is fun to share those times with the family. I wanted the youngest beside me this morning as I saw our lone satellite. It would have

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single cubit to your height? Wayward son, drink these words in. May they quench the hellfire that worry is in your life.

There’s no strength like utter weakness, There’s no insult like the truth. – Charlie Peacock OK, it seems like day to day I have no idea what strength through weakness is. Is it the fact that I am too busy not to pray? Is this it? Or is it the fact that I acknowledge that I cannot, in and of myself, know right from wrong and need a guide to bring me to that knowledge? Is this born out when I trusted my salvation to the finished work of Christ on the cross? Is it in the way I spend my time in and out of work, home, from the presence of the church? Is it a combination of all of these things? When I look at my life (or a dispassionate observer does) will they see strength through utter weakness? If they were to get into my head and see into my heart and really assess what is happening there will they see anything qualitatively different than my neighbor who does not give a rip about God? Truth as insult I have no qualms accepting. All you need to do is see the beads of sweat on my head an

OK, here are the interesting pictures of the night. This was our first outreach night at North Baptist Church Champions club for 3rd-6th grade. We had over 50 kids there and it was a great time. Well worth doing again.

Wow. Last week was quite the ride for us as a family. I was gone for a couple of nights and then we had our Duct Tape and Super Cool Video Night outreach at our Champions kids club, Thursday we signed our wills and I went to contest our assessment (yet again!). We also got news that our oldest is not doing as well as we though in Kindergarten so we need to meet with the teacher to map out a strategy for his success. That threw both of us for a loop, but we have had time to process it and talk to quite a few people about it so that helps. I am nervous and excited about it all at once. It is kind of a strange feeling, but it is something that we need to power through and pray that we react in a way that is reflective of our position in Christ. The weekend was a bit busy with the oldest son’s birthday activities/festivities and church activities on Sunday. Last night we had some friends over and they stayed much past our bed time (yeah – to be young again), but it was a great visit. Tonig

All my days on earth are like a vapor. And the time that I waste - that is simply gone never to return - is absolutely criminal. If ever there was a time when I needed to take heed of this warning this is it. Today there is a family member of mine that is so badly injured he may not recover. Did I take the time to hold Your hand, Lord? The punch in the stomach that his condition is to me is profound. Surely, Lord, today is the day of salvation. For me and for him. Will You enable him to call out to You? Please, Lord, another day for him; another chance for me.

To unabashedly borrow and recast a popular saying: A boy in his parent's arms is safe. But that is not what boys are for.

In the astronomical geekalicious category I just found out that Mercury will be transiting the Sun on November 8, 2006 and will be viewable in Rochester from 4:11 p.m. to 5:10 p.m. ET. I witnessed the Venus transit that occurred on June 8, 2004 I will make sure that I do not miss this. The transit of the interior planets are way cool to observe but the event will end after the Sun sets over here so I will not be able to see all of it. I’ll plan to set the telescope up with my solar filter firmly affixed before 4:00 p.m. so I can get a good view of the beginning of the event. The next Mercury transit will take place on May 9, 2016 and the next Venus transit will take place on June 6, 2012.

Absent again. And, big surprise, no one noticed…save my family of course. I just completed another business trip to New Jersey and this one went smoothly in large part because I drove instead of flew. Of course it is a bit more stressful driving, but it beats the mad dash to the airport and the wait as the flight gets delayed. Or cancelled. For some reason the flights in and out of Rochester seem to take a back seat to those going to NY or even Buffalo . Then again it just may be my impression and not based in fact at all. My wife and I are involved in a youth group for 3rd through 6th graders at our church. Tonight is the first outreach night where we will be duct taping the four lightest clubbers to the wall and watching a Sugar Creek Gang video. I have been praying that it will go well. I would love to see 55-60 kids there, but less than that number will be a success as well. As co-director I liken my involvement to the insane running the asylum, but that is another matter entirel

I would have laughed…at least on the inside. Had you told me with my Bachelor’s and Masters degree in Social Work that I would be working in corporate America a mere three years out of school I would not have believed you. And sometimes I wonder if it is all worth it. At times I struggle with working to pad someone’s pocket. I guess I would like the motivations of the shareholders here to be more altruistic. Kind of dumb I know but that would relieve my angst. The struggle is exacerbated by the fact that shifting gears has enabled my wife to stay home with the boys. That would have been impossible on my social worker salary. This is for her and them and I know it has been good for them. And for me as well. Would I like to get “back into” social work? Yes. It is the first career that I fell in love with and I am still in love with it. Pining for it at times. It is more lifestyle than work and it suited me well. But God has His way – and I firmly believe I am further along His way be

I hate dropping the ball. Those who know me must think I absolutely love it because I do it so often. My temperament is prone to a live and let live attitude where, as long as everyone is happy, everything is all right. That is so diametrically opposed to God’s intention for this creation and my life that it is not even worth mentioning. When things went awry after the fall, God invaded this earth and set into motion events that would culminate in the death, burial, and resurrection of Christ. That, as far as I can tell, is an one-hundred-and-eighty-degree departure from live and let live. I was rebuked this weekend for something that I needed to be doing and was not. I have re-started this practice and am excited about it. In fact, it is working out better than I thought it would and I need Your power, Lord, to continue it. Thank you for the rebuke. It hurt, but not as bad as it would had I dropped the ball…again.

Useless but fun on Talk Like a Pirate Day (which is today!): My pirate name is: Mad Jack Bonney Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate's life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr! Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com. part of the fidius.org network

OK so I have calmed down a little bit from yesterday but not much. There is still a lot going on, but, slowly, I am getting on top of things. But that is life…everyday stuff that make a hero or zero out of me. I am firmly convinced that heroic acts can be done by anyone. I can stand jumping into an icy cold river to save someone or even taking a bullet for someone because something just takes over at that point and I would be, essentially, out of my mind. Day to day is the mettle of who I am. That is where people see me for who I really am. Rarely is this on display in social settings although there have been times in my life where it has slipped out (in a bad way). My wife and children know me well. I pray that they like what they see and quickly forget that which they don’t. Deep breaths. Know that this is not the last of the roller coaster rides. But, Lord willing, there will be down time again for me to reflect on this time.

Above is a Reuters photo showing the Pope (John Paul II) speaking to the man that attempted to assassinate him. He forgave him. In high school this song was one of the defining lyrics in my emerging relationship with Christ: I saw a man he was holding the hand that had fired a gun at his heart oh, will we live to forgive? I saw the eyes and the look of surprise as he left an indelible mark oh, will we live? to forgive? Come...find release go...make your peace Follow his lead let the madness recede when we shatter the cycle of pain oh, we will live to forgive Come...find release go...make your peace I saw a man with a hole in His hand who could offer the miracle cure oh, He said live I forgive

OK so I have calmed down a little bit from yesterday but not much. There is still a lot going on, but, slowly, I am getting on top of things. But that is life…everyday stuff that make a hero or zero out of me. I am firmly convinced that heroic acts can be done by anyone. I can stand jumping into an icy cold river to save someone or even taking a bullet for someone because something just takes over at that point and I would be, essentially, out of my mind. Day to day is the mettle of who I am. That is where people see me for who I really am. Rarely is this on display in social settings although there have been times in my life where it has slipped out (in a bad way). My wife and children know me well. I pray that they like what they see and quickly forget that which they don’t. Deep breaths. Know that this is not the last of the roller coaster rides. But, Lord willing, there will be down time again for me to reflect on this time.

OK, it has been a while since I have had an entry in this here blog. I would like to say it is because I have been so busy, but if I can devote an hour and a half to watch the premier of the Amazing Race last night then I guess I could easily take 5 minutes and get an entry in. Chalk it up to laziness, time mismanagement, or whatever other moniker you would like to attach to it. I’ll take it from there. Every once and a while I get an overwhelming feeling that things are spinning out of control. I am looking at my schedule for the next couple of week and there is a lot that I need to put in place and accomplish. If there was ever a time that I needed to reject passivity and play the ball this is it. The stuff will get done (by His grace) but there is a lot that will be demanding my attention in the short to medium term both in and out of work. Lord, I need You to build these weeks into what you want. I need Your strength to not presume my plans are your plans. I also need Your strength

I had a great conversation with my boys last night when they were just about to get into bed for the night. In response to the youngest boy’s prayer we talked about the fact that Jesus does love us and that praying is talking to God. We also talked about the blessings that God has given us and what He wants us to do with those blessings. The youngest was so engaged in the topic that he moved from the foot of the bed and planted himself right in front of me so close that I could feel his breath on my face. I am thankful that they are sensitive to spiritual things and that they have a concept that there is something bigger than themselves that is infinitely more important than the garbage that so often dominates our lives. I know where that sensitivity comes from. God continues to chase them down in spite of my mistakes and, too often, my intentions. I am looking forward to more and more of these conversations as time goes on. And, although I do not want this day to come too quickly, I a

Kind of weird, but kind of cool. My son started Kindergarten this week and has been up every morning at 6:45. Mind you we don’t have to wake him up. He gets up on his own and is ready to go the minute he is up. That is a great thing for me anyway. Well, my wife is up as well and gets him ready and out the door for the bus that arrives at 7:35. It has all been rather strange for me because for lo these many years I have been virtually alone in my preparations for work but now am in the midst of all this activity. I participate when I can, but I am usually in the throes of my own stuff at that point in the day. It will be even more fun when both boys have to get up and out the door for school. Looks like the Fall has brought a few more changes to a few more people in the family than I had originally envisioned.

This text will be placed in my Will as my final words: As you all know, God has called me home. The steps that I have taken and even this pleasant death has been ordained by Him. The fact that I am, right now, in His presence signals that my rebellion is over. I am no longer tempted to sin; no longer swayed to gratify the desires aroused by the world, my flesh, or the Devil himself. What bliss this is! Surely this is exactly where I was meant to be! When the boys were young we prayed for their salvation and ruminated on the passport that would be into the presence of God. Through my salvation born out of God’s grace and applied to my life by faith I have been given a sinlessness that I could have never gained on my own. It would thrill my heart and the heart of God Himself if you were to join me here. Admit to God that you are a sinner (Romans 3:23); acknowledge that the sins that you have committed only result in an eternal separation from God in Hell (called death in Romans 6:23); ac

Wow what a day so far. Just getting back from a holiday (Labor Day) where there were multiple people out the days before and the days after the holiday is always a wild ride. And here I am just getting to the point where I usually am at 8:30 in the morning. Hey, three hours “late” isn’t all that bad nor does it even matter much in this neck of the woods. I just received an email from someone who made a statement and then added “insh’allah” to the end of it. Given the context and the “allah” I figured it meant God willing and I was by and large correct. It actually means “if God so wills it” which is a tad different but not all that much so. Deo volente is the Latin form of the Arab phrase which is more in keeping with Christian expression. That having been said I was always impressed with the monotheism Islam and the intellectual contributions that Muslims have made to the defense of monotheism. Probably the most striking contribution that few Christians are aware of is the Kalaam

I guess I am a coffee guy. My brother and I went golfing last week on Wednesday and we stopped at the local Wegmans coffee shop and I was immediately drawn to the latte while he got something else. We had a conversation about coffee and it was clear that I drank more and had experience with more varieties of coffee than he had. Which is fine, but it also leads me to believe that I am a coffee guy. Of course this leads to problems especially on vacation when I am staying at a person's house where coffee is not on the menu. Not in the morning or ever. I enjoy a cup of coffee in the morning as it gets me going in the right direction and I definitely miss it when I do not get to have one. Yeah - my addiction to the caffeine is the main culprit but I do like coffee and I think I would drink it regardless of the caffeine content. I enjoy the cappucinos, espressos, lattes (my favorite), iced coffee and even coffee ice cream on occasion. Tea is good too (lots of nice variety here), but, fo

I just got back from the dentist and all is well in my mouth...for now. I even got a red toothbrush when I was walking out the door. I like my dentist (http://www.drggg.com/) as I think he is very thorough and the work that he has done in my mouth has been great. I think he has filled a couple of cavities and I have been happy with him. All this to say that I "hate" going to the dentist. Now I have never been accused of having a movie-star smile and I have more than my share of fillings (less and less as the years have gone on) and that is probably why I have the angst I do at the thought of the visit to the dentist. I know this is my doing, but there it is. For me it always seemed like the day of reckoning. The judge looks into my mouth and declares the verdict on the previous six months of brushing and flossing, and I was always concerned that a cavity was going to be found. Was this really an issue? I had been through plenty of fillings and didn't even mind the novac

I prayed and it happened. That is how I am supposed to think about things in the divine context. At least that is how C.S. Lewis encourages me to think. Because I live in a world where God is Sovereign I need not concern myself with the interplay between my prayers and the effect that those prayers (or lack of prayers) has on the events that were lifted up to God. I need only know that is was God’s sovereign plan that I should pray in the way that I did and that events were ordered in such and such a way because of God’s sovereign plan. The causality or the effect that my prayerlessness may or may not have had on the ordained situation is of no concern of mine – that is firmly in God’s realm and I may never know the totality of it. All this to say that I asked God for something and it looks like God has granted me my request. Thanks, Dad. May this situation vault me into a deeper prayer life with you.

We had one of my boy’s friends over last night for the last time this Summer and I am going to miss spending Monday nights with him. His dad has left the scene and is only marginally involved in the lives of his kids (four total). He has been encouraged to come back, been through church discipline and removed from membership, and pursued in a great many ways by numerous people but he refuses to repent. It is so sad. So my wife and I have made a point to have this boy over to our house for a couple of hours just to let him be around our boys and for me to interact with him for a bit. And it has been fun. Last night after dinner we went and got ice cream and then off to a nearby playground. He got quite a bruise on his shin after falling but he was all right. My two boys love it when he comes over too and they had a great time running around with him on the playground. It started to rain a bit so we “ran” back to the van and started the slow drive home. Well, the rain let up a bit and we

It has been said that time is the currency of the 21 st century and it is the thing I guard the most. It is an interesting statement about the state of our country that we have enough money and things, but that thing that is scarce, our time, is what we hold onto the tightest. My oldest will be starting school next week (kindergarten) and the time that we spend together from now until he graduates high school will be so important and so precious. Of course this is also a time in my career when I am in high demand and it looks like the travel will get to be more and more of a bother as I get involved with more customers. Thankfully they’re in New Jersey right now, but that will not always be the case I’m sure. Please help me negotiate this tightrope, Lord, I need your wisdom more than ever. Help me to make sure I am doing what I can to provide for my family financially, socially, emotionally, spiritually…I do not want to make a mess of this. I know you do not want me to either. Tha

The musical Godspell had a huge influence on me growing up. The high school I went to (Cardinal Mooney in Rochester NY) actually did the musical as part of their Spring production one year. I remember on my paper route the next morning after seeing the performance singing over and over “Long live God, Long live God, Long live God, Long live God” which is what was sung as they carried Christ’s dead body out of the auditorium before the image was shown of the resurrected Son. We also had the soundtrack on cassette that we wore out from playing it too much. The song below was one of my favorites. All Good Gifts by Stephen Schwartz We plow the fields and scatter The good seed on the land But it is fed and watered By God's almighty hand He sends the snow in winter The warmth to swell the grain The breezes and the sunshine And soft refreshing rain (Refrain) All good gifts around us Are sent from heaven above So thank the Lord Oh thank the Lord for all his love We thank thee then O Fat

I thought my wife was nuts. She wanted to take a 5 year-old, 3 year-old, and 3 year-old raspberry picking last night. She put the bug in my ear about it when I talked to her over the phone from work and I thought we will wait to see how we feel after dinner before making a decision. Well, she brought it up again with the qualification that if it was a big disaster it was a big disaster – no big deal. I agreed, but thought that the boys and their friend we were watching for the night could just run around in the field. What happened there completely blew my mind. Not only were the kids into picking raspberries but each one of them filled a pint of their own and worked to fill some more that my wife and I were picking with. My oldest kind of lost interest a bit after the pint he picked was full, but there was no problem with him wandering off for a bit after staying on task for so long. My youngest was quietly working away and would continue to announce his progress as he picked. We late

Wow, trying to get back into the swing of things after a vacation day in the middle of the week seems to be a bit more challenging to me than it ought to. Had a great golf outing with my brother yesterday at Salmon Creek Country Club in Spencerport, NY. It is a very nice course and I had some good shots. My chipping was right on which was good because I did not hit a green from the fairway the whole day. I can’t expect that much as I basically golf once or twice a year. And it is not like riding a bike – not even close. I was so tired this morning and really had to force myself to exercise. There were so many voices from my head and body saying “No! No! Don’t do it!” that even 6 minutes into the treadmill routine that I do I considered cutting it short. I figured I would regret it if I did so I plowed ahead. The more I do that the less resistance I will feel in the future I am sure. At least I hope. That is a principle I have learned and it can be applied to a lot of different endeavor

Millions of offenses. There has got to be millions of times that I have offended God and broken His law. From those that I have secured through commission to those that have been credited to my account through omission I have no doubt that His righteous standard has not been met by me for any length of time and in any place whatsoever. The second I reached the condition of accountability I became a dead man. A man whose inheritance was Hell and who had no hope of ever entering Heaven. How could I be so blind for son long to my own unrighteousness? How did I reconcile in my mind the thought that this holy God would wink at the sin that signaled my rebellion? Puny fists raised high in defiance of Him – how utterly bankrupt the sense of it all! Yet in His goodness His grace poured in like a flood. Illuminating my mind to see that His Son satisfied the righteous anger He had toward me for my sin. And the grace that moves outside of karma became my new song and my only hope. Please, t

Last night I had the opportunity to preach at the jail here in Monroe County. It was good to get back into the swing of things in this area. I had been there multiple times before, but not in the past year and a half or so due to the fact that I was involved in youth ministry that occurred on Sunday nights. I preached about the citizenry of heaven or the world and contrasted the two as it is outlined (primarily) in Ephesians 2:2-3, 12 and Philippians 3:17-19. I thoroughly enjoyed my time there and am looking forward to going back. One thing happened that struck me. The chaplain said something to the effect of “Let’s thank God for North Baptist Church and their presence here with us.” and, naturally, I clapped as the inmates there did as well. Looking down the line of the people that were there with me from the church I noticed that none of them were clapping. Was I doing something wrong? I felt a little self-conscious about what I was doing (a topic in and of itself) and wondere

Your life is in danger. – Tourniquet Relationships are the key that unlock effective ministry. Even God Himself pursued me and wanted to establish a relationship with me. When grasping that it was almost as if I had no choice – His love captured me as His grace set me free from the fetters that would have dragged me into Hell. I have often wondered about the balance between relationships as a means to an end and relationship for relationship sake. Most damnable would be a relationship where there was no warning given that the beloved’s life was in danger. What kind of service is that? One wrought in Hell as the Devil himself was more than happy to befriend me only to blind me to my destruction. It seems to me that the true measure of love that I have for someone would be based on the fact of whether I shared the Gospel with them or not. In other words I would not even think of not sharing the Gospel with my boys. I have and will continue to do so. For them to accept the forgiveness and

OK, it wasn’t laziness that kept me from getting outside last night. There were a series of unfortunate events that all contributed to the fact that I could not get an observation report recorded today. Oh well, these things happen. There are clear skies called for on the news tonight so there may be another opportunity to get out. We’ll see what the clear sky clock says. My wife really wanted me to go because she knows how much I enjoy getting out. I was about to, but my Palm Pilot was acting up (because of a botched data restore) and I would have been semi-useless without my sky map close by. Here’s hoping the clouds stay away, the events line up, and I am able to skedaddle off to catch a glimpse of some more Caldwell objects.

From Williamson, NY to Dansville, NY in a Piper Cherokee. A great evening with my oldest son and Dad. Eric could not have been friendlier as our pilot and the views were close to perfect. We estimated that we could see about 75 miles and it was a touch hazy even. Well worth doing again. The plane in Williamson The headsets were a nice touch. Here we are in Dansville. Our friendly pilot, Eric.

I received multiple clear sky alarms for tonight so I may have an observation report tomorrow – we’ll see how lazy I am tonight. Driving into work I saw the result of a fender-bender. The police were on the scene and the affected parties were standing around waiting for the report to be filed. At least that is what it looked like. I was impressed with the amount of traffic that was flowing by and all of the people in all of those cars. We all saw the same thing (or at least most of us did) and we all had our lives, perceptions, schedules, etc. impacting how we interpreted it. All going to our individual workplaces and workspaces. All of us with our cares, desires, health issues, struggles, joys…it is really quite overwhelming the sea that we are as humans. Not united yet in concert. Friends of Him and enemies of Him. Believers and non-believers. Infinitely complex and irreducible. Self sufficient and wholly dependent. And everything in between.

I see the world with no boundaries, no countries. I see black oceans, the rain a deep blue. From way up high, I’m gonna fly. – Cloud Merchants Last Saturday I went on a small plane ride with my son and my dad. The pilot is a good friend of the Christian school attached to our church (North Baptist) and we bid on and won the ride at last year’s school auction. I took a bunch of pictures that are still in the camera, but will be downloaded into the computer soon. We flew out of the Williamson Airport in Williamson NY (home of the Williamson Flying Club – http://www.wfcpilots.org/ ) and got to ride in a Piper Cherokee 235 which is also called a Pathfinder. It was a gorgeous evening and the ride was as smooth as anything I have experienced in a long time. It is funny but the sin that so easily entangles us as humans leads us to conflict so many times. Our very country was born out of conflict and the desire not to be exploited and dominated. As we flew (and as I fly) I just marvel not only

I made up a joke yesterday. “What do you call a fruity pooch? A melon collie.” Not impressive and the boys didn’t get it but it made me laugh. It is probably a pride thing but I do not compliment people nearly enough. Last night I needed to tell someone how much my son appreciates the ministry that they have undertaken this summer to teach the kids truth on Sunday nights. I did that and he was thrilled with the feedback. I do not have the spiritual gift of encouragement (unlike Barnabas), but that does not excuse my lack of doing this. I am better than I used to be, but not nearly good enough as I need to be.

No update yesterday on much of anything. Things just got so wicked busy and then…well…time just gets away from me more often than I care to imagine. We just received the new VeggieTales video yesterday called LarryBoy and the Bad Apple. It is all about overcoming temptation and let me say in terms of it’s theology it is probably the most sophisticated VeggieTales video yet (rivaling Jonah). It makes excellent use of the Scriptures (in words and action) as even LarryBoy falls to the temptation to indulge in too much chocolate. What I particularly liked about the video is the emphasis it places on people helping each other out of situations where the one is tempted and the helper is not. A great picture of the church and the responsibility the Body of Christ has toward its members. Oh, and the boys loved it too. But for different reasons I am sure. Rock on, LarryBoy!

It was everything I could do to get up this morning and exercise. I kind of ate a bit too much last night after we came home from gathering with the church so that was an extra dose of encouragement for me to get on with it. My legs were stiff from working on Saturday and Sunday which was strange because that has not happened in a while.  I had the opportunity to help out in Junior Church during the second service on Sunday morning and had an interesting interaction with one of the kids. This particular girl came over to one of the playground apparatus that some of the boys were sitting on while the story was being read. She tried to sit on it but ended up falling through it twice. I think it was semi on purpose, but I thought that I would give her the benefit of the doubt. After the third time I told her that she needed to either sit on the mat with the rest of the kids or on the slide which was still well within earshot of the story. She looked at me kind of funny and I wonder if she

It is incredible to me how personal the Psalms are. I am a couple of chapters behind in my year-long quest to read through the Bible in 2006 and I have hit the midway point of Psalms. The ones that I have read (and am reading) are such a window into David’s and other’s hearts and a clear indication of their delights and struggles. It really humanizes the Scriptures and gives me something to compare my own relationship with God to. Have I made it as deep as David’s relationship (read fellowship) with Him? David’s longing for God’s presence is so vivid and well-expressed. It is hard for me to imagine myself like that this side of heaven, but I know that God desires me to be like that and has equipped me to unite myself to Him in that manner. I have also been impressed with the amount of lyrics Steve Taylor has taken from the Psalms. He must spend a lot of time in there.