It was impossible for me to have known

It was quite simple. She hadn't done anything special. There wasn't really anything different that she did with her hair and I had seen the clothes that she had on before. All she did was open the fridge and crush the empty carton of milk on the side of the island. That was really about it. 

Maybe the light from the window lit the streaks of gray in her hair to recall the years that we walked through together, hand in hand, with sometimes heavy or feather-weight hearts. Maybe it was her eyes as she quickly glanced my way and flashed a smile as our boys worked on getting their school books together for their classes. I have no idea if was all of that, or none of it. What I do know is that, at that moment, I was overwhelmed. 

"You look very pretty today."

I was rather abrupt and, upon realizing how ordinary the day was and that this was probably not the time for compliments of that sort, I had to try to say something funny.

"How do I look?"

Her answer lightened th…

My master's happiness - part 1

...Enter into the joy of your master. Matthew 25:21b

Those seven words hold so much meaning for me both in the context of the passage in the Bible where they are spoken and in my position as a father. As these words are spoken, a master has returned from a long journey and has seen the wisdom of a servant in his handling of the money that was entrusted to him. The master is thrilled so much so that he invites the servant close to him. So close. I get the sense that this is not a begrudging willingness to share in his master's happiness. It seems rather spontaneous and born out of the servant functioning at his highest level. A level that may even have been born out of love. 

This is not a "good job" pat on the back. This is more of a visceral reaction - the master reaches deep and offers everything that he can possibly give to the servant. His happiness is not something that he holds onto. It is something poured out onto the servant. Overflowing. Soaking. Immersing. Baptiz…

I scarcely understand

If only I thought of the right words,
I could have held on to your heart.
If only I thought of the right words,
I wouldn't be breaking apart
All these pictures of you. - Pictures of You, The Cure

I can feel the lament of these words as sure as I can feel the peace of being known by God. I needn't find the right words in his presence as if my poetry would open access to him. All I need to do is sit. Even sit so still and be.

I scarcely understand as I lay myself bare before him. On my face, on my knees, driving in my car, walking with her I open myself wide to him and he sees. He knows. He smiles. He loves.

Pictures? No. Presence. Deep abiding light that sees me. All of me. Not the part that I expose to others. All of me. And the drumbeat of his heart arrests mine and we know.

Me, in part; he, the whole.

Because of breakfast

When they landed, they saw a fire of burning coals there with fish on it, and some bread. John 21:9

I can't help but think that Jesus smiled as he saw the boat coming to shore crammed with tired men and fresh fish. There, soon, would be a big crowd on the beach and they would be happy to see their Master. But their Master would be even happier to see them. To see one.

Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these? John 21:15

This place, this time, was more for Peter than anyone else. His failure in the events leading up to Christ's death were massive to say the least. Yet, Christ's mercy and grace were greater.

"Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” John 21:18

Jesus would produce a love in Peter, a love that would eviscerate his fear and would be displayed to the world in martyrdom. Jesu…

Things and places, people and faces

It's things and then it's places
Not people and their faces - PIL, Happy?

It was dark. Too dark when I walked into my son's room to get him up for our trip to the Little League World Series. I turned his fan off and opened his shade. Not that any light came in as it was 5:30 AM and we needed to be on the road by 6:00.

"Time to wake up, Drew. It is time to go the Williamsport."

Well, we hit the road right on time and I had nearly everything I needed save some gas (I also forgot to bring cash, but that is another story) and we hit Starbucks to get a caffeine fix for the ride down. Drew remarked at how chipper the person was who gave me my iced latte and him his mocha Frappuccino.

"Drew, don't worry about using your gift card. I got this one."

We had no idea what to expect as we arrived at the park and we got a good parking spot. We walked up to the stadium complex and, eventually, found our seat for the 11:00 AM game. The stadium was to fill up as we sat ad…

Death in the Dust Days - part two

Part one is here. This is what I think will be the conclusion of the first or second chapter.


This time I would not close my eyes. 
No matter how unbearable it would become I would not join him. There was nothing that wouldallow him to harken meto times that brought me anywhere save where I willed to go. As I stared in steel resolve at him, his eyes clenched closed.From time to time a slight flutter would almost open them but I was used to their appearance and they did not make me so afraid that I sought to