The spousal gift of self

I am just now getting over the flu that I have had for the better part of a week. I am actually now able to concentrate and get some substantial professional and personal work done.  

I hate being sick. So much of it is so frustrating because there is so much I want to do, so much of what I want to be, and I am not able to do and be that when I am ill. I know I need to embrace it when it comes. At the very least it illustrates to me life in this fallen world and brings into sharper focus the spousal purpose of my body.

You see, I long to give of myself to my wife. That self gift, that love gift, is made manifest through my body. My invisible desires are now visible. There is a myriad of ways that this self gift is expressed to her - from folding laundry to holding her hand when she is sad. And yet I acutely feel my limitations of my expression of the love gift my body is purposed to be when I am sick. It is not merely a feeling of uselessness, but a frustration of the purpose of my body. A jarring of the fundamental reason I was gifted it. A shaking to the core.

I will, in the next couple of days and in ever-increasing measure, reach to her through my body - this self gift of love. I will appreciate it more as I break through the wall that seemed so impenetrable a few short days ago. This side of heaven this body will more completely express its purpose and long for the day when I with the church will be perfectly washed spotless and joined forever to my Savior, Friend, Lover, and Groom.