Satisfaction

There are so many things to which I can give myself. So many things that I can contemplate, so much I can chase after. It is so strange, this freedom I have, to literally do what I want. Of course, the freedom I choose results in a corresponding slavery and there's the rub. I have found a freedom that frustrates, kills, and separates. It's ugly and painful. It has consequences that lead to death. This freedom is sweet for a minute until it stings. Its pain lasts. I forget about that and chase the minute sweetness again. It doesn't satisfy and I am restless under its control. Up down, up down, up down - unsettling is its wake and in my lucidity I see the effects of its poison.

I was listening to a podcast in preparation of me teaching the context and outline of the book of Jonah and I felt something that I had not felt since Sunday (it's Wednesday!). When the speaker talked about the compassion of God toward Jonah and the Ninevites something stirred in me. Something deep and marvelous. I had to close my eyes it was so overwhelming. I could have this more often. I could see its ripples in my life and the life of my family - the bobbing of the wooden boat. Up down, up down, up down. This freedom and slavery to Christ. 

God? Why don't I want this? God - give me this satisfaction. 

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