First, only, primary, exclusive
I may be making too much of this, so if I am please ignore it.
I was thinking in service yesterday that I do Christ a great disservice when I put him first in my life. That seems to imply that there is this list of things, people, influences, etc. that are competing for my attention and affection and, above them all, there is Christ. I am wondering if there should be a list at all. At work or home I usually have a list (a mental one anyway) of things that I need to get done in a day. There is something that is first on the list and, when that is done, I get to numbers 2 through N in an attempt to clear it. Sometimes I get through all of the items on the list but I, almost always, get the first item taken care of.
This comparison may break down a bit but I am wondering, in regards to Christ, if there should be a list at all. I am wondering if, instead of Christ being the first of many things in my life he should be the "only"; instead of him as the primary influence he should be the exclusive influence. In my mind anyway it seems like less of an ordering of things that I can allow to influence me or devote time to (Christ, wife, children, church, work, etc.) and more of a solitary person and a single focus by which, and through which, my thoughts and activities turn. It is as if the earth could choose which star to revolve around. It is as if the sun was merely influencing its path rather than dictating it.
I am not all that sure that this is going to be helpful to me, but it is something that crossed my mind. I need to meditate on it and maybe incorporate it into my prayers to see what happens. Maybe it is too fine of a point to do anything of value for me. Or, maybe, it is much more than that.