I find it so very hard to find balance. If there is something that I want to do I tend to do it too much. If there is something that I do not want to do even the motivation to get it over with so that I can do what I really want to do is not enough for me at times. And then there is my list of things that I want to do and the time/resources/health to actually do them. And then there are the things that I am running away from that catch up to me when my life is not exactly the way I have planned it to be. The fluidity of life, my mutability, is a stressor for me. The satisfaction of pure, unadulterated, homeostasis was spoiled a long time ago and is not my lot nor the lot of any other this side of the New Jerusalem.

The dearth of the balance that I crave leaves me longing for it and wondering what it feels like. What bliss will there be when I am mature and the good work is complete?

How amazing and otherworldly is this God I serve (albeit feebly) of whom there is no shifting shadow! The balance and unity revealed in the Trinitarian economy takes me aback at times. Were we this way, God, before we rebelled? Was this part of our image? Did you thrust this deep into us? Will I ever have the foretaste of the balance that will be mine in my future glorification here?


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