Inside focus

There's hungering and despair
There's hungering it's unfair
There's hungering everywhere

There's hungering in solitaire
There's hungering in pairs
There's hungering everywhere

But it's not here -
Lost Dogs, The New Physics

It takes a lot of energy for me to focus on me. Not that I need help indulging my pride or selfishness - I have got that down. What I need is to stay focused on the evil that is inside of me rather than the evil that is out there. Taking it one step out it is easy for me to get caught up in the dysfunction in other families and ignore the dysfunction in my own.

It is hard for me to hear criticism but I cannot even begin to explain what a gift that is to me. It allows me the ability to look at me through someone else's eyes, which independent of the criticism is an impossible feat. It is almost like I have been handed an opportunity to confront the dross that is in my life and deal with it. Burn it in the fire of holiness and eradicate it from my life. That is incredible and scares me a little too.

I am not one for confrontation nor am I one to engage people where they are at. Rarely do I give people the "what for" and let them know exactly what I am thinking about them. Even when it is warranted. Even when the Spirit calls me to the ministry that confrontation is. Even when they long for it. Even when they desire the dross in their lives to be consumed by offering it to the One who wants to remove it even more than they do.

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