When I was alone

When I chose to be alone as a teen I would walk at night down the street with my walkman on. Usually I would have Astral Voyage by Kitaro on and the warm cool air would keep me feeling alive as I made my way down to Barnard Exempts. I would sit on the bleachers overlooking the ball diamond where I spent many a summer day engaged in a baseball game. Some of those days I just wish the guys would have left me alone, but feeling the pressure I would go and play. I guess I wanted to fit in and was always subject to the pressure of others.

I was not a very good ball player, but I passed the test..what test I don’t know…to be in the field and on a team. Some of the days were lonely; some were filled with friends; most were just there. Sitting close to the diamond where I had more strike outs than hits brought back floods of memories and feelings. They washed over me as I gazed out into the not so brightly lit dirt and grass.

I would have to move on soon. Sooner than I wanted to. Experience had taught me that the police would be by soon driven by the sight of a teenager sitting alone dimly lit. Suicidal? Murderous? They would know after a couple of questions. Questions I was not interested in the least to answer.

Going back a different way would help put things in some sort of perspective. My astral voyage complete I would make my way into my house with another round of questions I was not interested in answering. It wasn’t like me to brood. Happy time now with a pleasant happy face.

“John called..”
“Thanks, mom, I call him back.”
“I like John.”
“Yeah, I do too.”