Nonsensical Ramblings of Mark

I cried with my son today. I am to go on a business trip tonight through Friday night and I sat on the couch this morning and asked him why he was sad. He said it was because he was going to miss me. That made me cry and we cried together at the prospect of my absence. He has such a big heart and he holds a special place in mine. I love him so much and I will miss him. But back I will come, God willing, and our reunion will be that much sweeter when I do.

There are people asking How do I get to where I’ve come from now? How do I paint this garden I’ve destroyed green? Can I get back to where I’ve come from? – Seal And in some way these lyrics bubble to the surface of all of those actively denying their Creator. In a flash here, a pang there, the Hound of Heaven uproots a grain of truth and longing. He pursues them to seek and save them. May I, in ever-increasing measure, be His hands and eyes as He saves those He loves so dearly.

“Do you have dreams when you sleep,” he asked his son. “Yeah,” he replied. He seemed a pit puzzled by the question but answered resolutely. Interested in the response he asked, “What do you dream about?” “God,” his son replied and turned his attention back to the television and the Bear in the Big Blue House video. This gave him great pause and he wondered if it was true. What motive would his son have to lie? It seemed such a strange thing to come out of his son’s mouth. Yet so satisfying to know that his son, knowing God’s name in life, is being pursued by Him in his dreams.

Wow it has been busy the past couple of days. I am coming up on a deadline for a document that I am in charge of editing so things are in high gear with that. I dropped off all of the documentation to contest our assessment (the second hearing) so we’ll see how that goes. They say you can’t fight city hall, but this is the town rather than the city. The every day stuff of life is just that. And to rise above it and get a glimpse of the One who orchestrates it all is just that as well. The high purpose and calling of marriage, parenthood, career, or even ministry is not as high as the calling I received all those years ago. In 1988 I graduated from an awesome high school where I truly met Christ in a profound and meaningful way. Through service I participated in the divine nature and it was home to me. In the midst of it I realize that I would seek that same God at college. Rather He led me on a journey deeper into Himself and I began a relationship with Him through Christ as He convict...

I think it was on Sunday when I sat down on the bench (the one without the back) on our front porch to listen to the praise offered for life, sustenance, and even the hardness of the day that made them strong. In the midst of the cacophony of what seemed unintelligible at times I could see evidence of stain that encroached on the perfection that Eden was and will be. Yet, enough remained so that there was praise. If it is all robbed from me, will there be enough to attach my praise to? Will I see the all-sufficiency of His grace even if the Adversary is allowed to strike the people I love most? Or, through and through, will the stain penetrate to the core and color me so completely that I curse Him? His praise goes on. From the quasar that sings its eerie aria to the wind swept trees clapping their leaves to a rhythm that celebrates their age and youth every Spring, to the worm fleeing their flooded home….the stones will cry out. When will my praise cease? May my last breath be that wh...

Ah, the drum beat of time. I attended two “ceremonies” yesterday that made me realize that time marches on even when I scream “Stop!” My oldest son graduated from pre-school and is excited about Kindergarten. I am too, but I cannot believe he is going to be 6 years old this year. Wow – he has grown more than I ever thought he would. I am sure that in another blink of an eye he will be an awkward adolescent, but we’ll save that bit of musing for later. The second was a reception that I gave a 5-minute speech at about the speech services my boys received at the Rochester Hearing and Speech Center. Both of the boys are doing so much better in their speaking and communicating. I have also noticed an increase in the capacity of the oldest to learn. For example he was saying “I am pretending Frankencelery.” Now, after only a few prompts, he looks at me and triumphantly exclaims “Daddy, Grey Doggie is pretending TO BE Frankencelery.” Good boy. Good God.

Browsing through news pictures on Yahoo one day I noticed one that struck me and made me think and feel unlike any one I have seen since. In this prolonged war in Iraq that we are engaged in we often bomb insurgent residences or “safe houses”. Sometimes we hit the right ones and sometimes there is “collateral damage” (i.e. innocent people are killed). Well, there he was: a young boy sitting on top of the rubble of a house (whether it was his or not I don’t know) crying. I can’t imagine the pain and despair that he was feeling at the time. He knows nothing of New York City and the attacks perpetrated on our soil; nor does he know about the nowhere to be found weapons of mass destruction. I am sure this boy just wanted the pain to stop and someone to hold him, assure him, that the whistle of the bombs and the destruction of their targets would stop. No assurances would come. If they did they were false because the war goes on and on. Another six civilians and a US soldier was killed toda...

Browsing through news pictures on Yahoo one day I noticed one that struck me and made me think and feel unlike any one I have seen since. In this prolonged war in Iraq that we are engaged in we often bomb insurgent residences or “safe houses”. Sometimes we hit the right ones and sometimes there is “collateral damage” (i.e. innocent people are killed). Well, there he was: a young boy sitting on top of the rubble of a house (whether it was his or not I don’t know) crying. I can’t imagine the pain and despair that he was feeling at the time. He knows nothing of New York City and the attacks perpetrated on our soil; nor does he know about the nowhere to be found weapons of mass destruction. I am sure this boy just wanted the pain to stop and someone to hold him, assure him, that the whistle of the bombs and the destruction of their targets would stop. No assurances would come. If they did they were false because the war goes on and on. Another six civilians and a US soldier was killed toda...

It must be love. My wife and boys have so solidified themselves into my life that I cannot imagine life without them. They occupy an increasing amount of my definition of who I am that if they were to ever be absent from it, well, I don’t know what I would do. Is it healthy? I mean shouldn’t I have some independence from them as I seek my own self-concept? There is no question that I have some of my self-concept rooted in other places, but I guess it is just a matter of what I value. It is a lot like God who, for some reason, will always be thought of as the One who saved us. Perfect in communion and fellowship in and of Himself, He did not need to save us or even create us. There is so much that is still mysterious about why I am here. An even greater mystery is why God has chosen to root some of who He is in our creation and redemption. There is no reason to weave a man-centered theology in here for God is God-centered to the core. And it is in His God-centeredness that He chose to d...

Even though we see it through darkened glass and even through its groaning for redemption I am struck at how closely God’s creation manifests His character. Specifically as the death of winter is destroyed by the green of Spring. Or the fact that the seasons march on in lock-step year upon year. As the moon is gravitationally bound to the Earth and pulls the tide in high regimentation. No, God did not create a watch, but the drum beat of all that He has created goes on and on…. Even the struggles that I have bringing order out of the chaos of our front and back yards is a participation in the Divine nature. Christ struggled mightily to pay the ransom for me yet reigned in the fullness of God’s glory from the cross. Positionally I reign as well even though in practicality I see only glimmers of that in the here and now. Thank you, God, that you haven’t left us to our own devices for we are impotent.

Socrates said that the he knew nothing save his ignorance. Which is quite a statement of knowledge in my opinion but I won’t get into that right now. I was thinking if there was a difference between “I know” and “I was told”. The first is a claim to knowledge and trust in the receiver the second an admission of ignorance and trust in the transmitter. If my knowledge is based on a revelation rather than an inquiry it seems to me that I am on a much firmer ground rather than if I sought the facts and formed an element of knowledge myself. Do I have all of the facts? Do I have any facts? Do my senses and prejudices prevent me from forming an objective view of what I have been asked to process? But what of the transmitter or, in my case, the Transmitter? Is He reliable? Is He seeking to deceive me and cause me harm? Is He even a He? Unfortunately subjecting the Transmitter to inquiry leads me back to where I was in the first place where my bias and prejudice may obscure the construction of...

Maybe the hardest thing I have to face in ministry is the concept of the “audience of One”. Knowing that I minister for One Person only is so difficult because I cannot see Him nor can I feel His arm around me. So quickly distracted I turn to the accolades of others to gauge the success or failure of a ministry or even a night in ministry. When the thanks and the atta-boys don’t come I get depressed. Does anyone notice me? Does anyone give a rip about what I am doing here? Am I making a difference? Should I just go away? One of my former pastors used to say that if God ever called him home he would be missed about as much as a finger is missed when it is withdrawn from a glass of water. The water that the finger displaces quickly fills in the “hole” that was made when it occupied that space. I laughed and nodded my head knowing what he said was true. But I do not live that reality out as much as I should – probably because it humbles me so deeply and I do not want to think of myself as...

As I was gathered with the church last Sunday I was overwhelmed with the idea that all of nature praises God in a language that is unique and sometimes even complimentary in its expression. My favorite attribute of God is His omnipresence where Though the Creator lies beyond creation’s rim, Every atom hold the whole of Him Given what is revealed about God in the Scriptures, is it any wonder that His creation sings the songs that give me pause when I consider their lyric and sound? The drum beat of the rain on my roof, the rustle of the leaves in the wind, the crunch of the dry snow beneath my boots, the crush of wind that rips up trees in the microburst that visits me so briefly…. Listen, boys, do you hear that? Music, song, and praise…expression beyond that which we can express.

We need a leader, a lover A pillar of fire We need a teacher, a healer Oh, can't you see We need a Messiah – Whiteheart Not much is made of my sanctification in Christian circles today. Not that it is not talked about but it is not made much of. I talk about my salvation as the once for all time event that it truly is, but the simple fact of the matter is I need to be saved now. Not saved from Hell, that has been accomplished, but saved from me. I need a Messiah now. Every hour. Every minute. Who will continually save me? He will, but it is so hard because I kick and scream as He drags me towards Christ-likeness. Never does He grow frustrated with me. Gently and sometimes firmly He exhausts me and saves me never leaving me to drown in the filth I love so dearly.

I am not neutral. I assume (my presupposition) a great many things when I seek the truth about a certain statement. First I presume that the language that I am seeking the answer in can communicate in such a way that other people (most importantly myself for I am the one employing it) can understand. Second I am assuming that truth can be known. Not everyone shares this presupposition so that makes me non-neutral there as well. I will seek the Scriptures and pray to God in Jesus’ name when faced with a decision that I am unclear on and need some wisdom from Him. Fourth I will employ my rational mind and senses (if necessary) to make sense of the statement presuming that I know when to use each and when one or the other will inhibit my pursuit of truth. Fifth I will understand that my perspective of the situation is, by definition, incomplete for there may be other people with a different perspective or more thorough understanding of the statement and situation so I will seek counsel an...

Just got back from a 1.5 day business trip to New Jersey. It was a great meeting with a customer and I was happy that I went. I had a feeling that this was going to be a big waste of time, but it turned out to be anything but that. I am glad my feelings were off on this one. We were scheduled to arrive back in Rochester at 6:20pm last night. That would have been perfect as I would get to see the boys before they went to bed and spend some time with my wife before we headed off to bed as well. But…as God would have it we missed our 5:00pm flight and had to settle for an 8:50pm departure which got me home about 10:45pm. Not awful – it could have been worse. Now I am all for the sovereignty of God in these situations as I know he is in control of all things, but I would feel much better about the change in plans if I missed something dramatic on my route home or if it enabled me to share the Gospel with my traveling companion. As it was we did get very close to gut-level communication a c...