Nonsensical Ramblings of Mark

For some strange reason ScribeFire doesn't work in Firefox running in Ubuntu so I am doing a test post from XP. I'll have to try to get it running in Linux but it is not that much of a priority right now. Powered by ScribeFire .

I picked up a fairly nice machine off the wantads here at work for $125 (AMD Athlon 1.46GHz, 512 Mb RAM, 60 Gb hard drive, DVD writer) and I have a fresh XP install on it with all of my favorite open source software (Firefox, OpenOffice, Picasa, AVGFree). It was custom built and all seems to be working well. I would dearly love to get a dual boot Ubuntu Linux situation going, but I am a bit skittish as I will be loading the thing up with data pretty soon as I dump video, music and pictures onto it so I need all the space I can get. I may just rip the hard drive out of our previous machine (only 2 Gb) and make that the slave use it to hold the Ubuntu install. That way I will have a pretty good machine with a much better OS than XP. We would probably be Linux all the way, but we are still on dial up and the internal modem support is nil. I refuse to get an external modem just to run Linux. Oh well, at least my wife can get back online and the boys can play their favorite games again....

Rather than allow for the future to shape my today I have a tendency to look past today and long for that which is in the future. The past and the future impact my today, but they can't replace it. I cannot live "there" and not "here". I remember when we took our oldest son to my brother's wedding down in Virginia. He was two at the time and we needed him to get some sleep. So. naturally, we went for a bit of a drive before arriving at the wedding site so he could do that. He didn't sleep. I think that he was so afraid that he would miss something that sleeping was the last thing on his mind. I do not want to get caught napping in the then while I am in the here and the now. I am afraid that I will miss something too. And what of the time when there is nothing compelling in the then to focus on? Where will my attention turn?

I just installed a new plugin for Firefox called ScribeFire. This is the first post from the tool. We'll see if it works. Powered by ScribeFire .

Rather than allow for the future to shape my today I have a tendency to look past today and long for that which is in the future. The past and the future impact my today, but they can't replace it. I cannot live "there" and not "here". I remember when we took our oldest son to my brother's wedding down in Virginia. He was two at the time and we needed him to get some sleep. So. naturally, we went for a bit of a drive before arriving at the wedding site so he could do that. He didn't sleep. I think that he was so afraid that he would miss something that sleeping was the last thing on his mind. I do not want to get caught napping in the then while I am in the here and the now. I am afraid that I will miss something too. And what of the time when there is nothing compelling in the then to focus on? Where will my attention turn?

The Bible paints a remarkable picture of God. I'll never know Him fully even on the other side of the Jordan River, but on Sunday I was struck again concerning the absolute tension that He must have felt in the core of His being before the great propitiation of His Son. How strong His justice and holiness must have cried out as His love and mercy screamed back. How His justice and holiness wanted their satisfaction as the blood of sheep and goats spilled and did nothing to satisfy. Oftentimes we put the Son and Father at odds with each other. It is almost as if the Father was the mean one demanding a sacrifice that would satisfy while the Son, full of love and compassion, complied to set us free. No, the struggle is much more profound than this as Christ Himself longed for the satisfaction that His death would bring. He longed for the debt to be paid and for mercy and justice to embrace and lovingly kiss each other. Oh the sigh of satisfaction when God the Father heard the words ...

Just now I recognized, yet again, how important it is to not only be wise, but to walk with people who are wise Now I know that the beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord, so I need to make sure my counselors are people who fear Him. We have been tracking down some issues recently where we are getting some advice from people who are all over the map in the "fear of the Lord" department. But, we have placed our trust in some particular people that are, in light of the Scriptures, wise. Without delving into details our discerned opinion on the matter has been corroborated. We will still monitor the situation and make sure that it does not degrade, but we think we have found the road we will travel for the time being. When I was saved, God surrounded me with people that not only helped me grow, but gave me the environment and tools to interpret the Scriptures. I sat under teachers that were Baptist to the core and that has lead me and my family to the point we are at right ...

The Bible paints a remarkable picture of God. I'll never know Him fully even on the other side of the Jordan River, but on Sunday I was struck again concerning the absolute tension that He must have felt in the core of His being before the great propitiation of His Son. How strong His justice and holiness must have cried out as His love and mercy screamed back. How His justice and holiness wanted their satisfaction as the blood of sheep and goats spilled and did nothing to satisfy. Oftentimes we put the Son and Father at odds with each other. It is almost as if the Father was the mean one demanding a sacrifice that would satisfy while the Son, full of love and compassion, complied to set us free. No, the struggle is much more profound than this as Christ Himself longed for the satisfaction that His death would bring. He longed for the debt to be paid and for mercy and justice to embrace and lovingly kiss each other. Oh the sigh of satisfaction when God the Father heard the words ...

Well, it took me a little over two hours (which was mostly spent by me looking at the screen), but I was able to upgrade from Ubuntu 6.1 to 7.04 (Edgy Eft to Feisty Fawn) using the apt-get version of the upgrade instructions. I tried to upgrade yesterday, but I had zero success getting the files from the server as, I'm sure, the traffic was astronomical in its proportions. This is all the more real to me as I bought a used computer with Windows XP installed on it and it looks like I am going to have to do a re-install because there is so much junk on it. I tried to install my son's Thomas the Tank Engine game and it would even let me do that. Very interesting. I would be running Ubuntu at home but we are still on dial up and there is next to nothing for internal modem support in Linux. Oh well, now to plumb the depths of Feisty and see if anything's broken.

I read a book in my college days called The King of the Earth by Erich Sauer where I was first exposed to the "Gap Theory". Basically, this theory holds that there is a gap of indeterminable length between Genesis 1:1 and Genesis 1:2 where a created and mature universe fell as a result of the rebellion of Satan (some call him Lucifer, but that's another topic). Many people attempt to place the eons of evolution into the perceived gap. I have to admit that when I read the book I wasn't thinking along those lines at all. When we read the Scriptures rightly I believe that placing the evolutionary process into that gap is wrong. But that doesn't convince me that the gap theory is wrong. What if, for example, the gap was a mere 30 minutes or 15 seconds? Rejecting the placement of the many millions of years evolutionists claim have transpired before arriving at this present time and, therefore, rejecting the gap is a false dilemma. What Sauer's book did for me was c...

Early in my married life I had no problems with being non-productive. I could sit and watch NCAA college basketball while downing a whole bag of Doritos (literally) and not have any qualms whatsoever. Now, it is a bit of a different story. I am becoming more like my dad who loves to get up and get moving doing this or that. Last night at about 8:00 p.m. after the boys were in bed I began to fold the clothes. My wife does not let me near the washer and dryer but she does tolerate my folding. I folded clothes for about 45 minutes (I'm slow, but steady) and got them into the two laundry baskets. I sat down for a total of five minutes and realized that I was idle. "Wait," I said to myself, "I have got stuff to do." I went and grabbed the laptop and started to burn some audio CDs for the 2 and 3 year old children we have for a Sunday school class. Have I mentioned that they are pretty great? We love the class - of course they can be a challenge sometimes (all 17 of t...

Earlier this year the wife of our neighbor who has a house that borders ours in the back died of cancer. He is alone now and I often stare out of our kitchen window to the lit house and wonder what he is thinking about. We went to the funeral and, upon exiting the car, my wife whispered "This sucks." "Yes," I answered, "we are but dust." A gentleman we know very well and who is a member of the church we worship and serve with fell and broke his nose. He had a rather interesting story about how they fixed it, but he slept through the whole thing as he was under general anesthesia. How frail we are. There should be no wonder why I, as a child of Light, long for home. This was not the way is was supposed to be. Not even close.

File this in the "you never know" department.... My fellow ministers and I were waiting in the lobby at the Monroe County Jail (a bit impatiently) to get let in to begin our church service when two gentlemen came out of the "airlock" (as I like to call it) that separates the jail proper from the entrance. One of them stopped and recognized Jack and Howard who have been coming to the Jail in one capacity or another for over 40 years. He thanked them for their commitment to preaching the Gospel in the jail because it had a profound effect on him. He was now a minister at the jail bringing the same good news to people that needed it so badly. That was a great encouragement to them. There seemed to be a lot of poseurs there last night as the noise level during the singing, preaching, and the like was noticeable. There was a different chaplain there last night that did not keep as tight a reign on the inmates as another one (that I am used to) does so that may have had s...

I have a temperament that is prone to a lot of things. One of them is pretentiousness. I am listening to an album called Pieces of Africa that is performed by the Kronos Quartet. The piece I am listening to right now is definitely one of my favorites on the album (White Man Sleeps) and I love the second movement. Deep down, there is a feeling of superiority that I have over people that, for example, listen to more popular music. I know it bleeds through at times, this pretentiousness, for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks (Luke 6:45). That really stinks because I want to blame it in other things rather than my own heart, sin, pride, lack of desire for the Spirit to control this flesh, etc. Christ is so careful to get to the root of all the rot in the world. It is us. More than likely it is me. There is no one else in my life that is responsible for the state of my heart.

In reading about forming new habits I have heard that it takes anywhere from 3 weeks to 6 months so I am going to arbitrarily round it to 2.5 months. Not that the length of time to form the habit has anything to do with this particular entry because I have been exercising in the morning now for 1 year and 3 months. Plenty of time to cement this little routine into my life. The good of it is that I have lost between 35 and 40 pounds, my energy is through the roof, I have lost 3 inches off of my waist (from a 36 to a 33) and people who haven't seen me in a while notice that I have lost weight. The bad news is that I still need to make a conscious effort every single morning to don my sneakers and get on the treadmill. Every morning. This morning was the worst. I was so close to bagging the whole thing but I did what I should do and went the full length of my routine. I have had to do this in the past and I would think that every time I choose to do the exercise that I would find thos...

Recently I read a blog entry about and atheist that had fallen away from the faith and, pursued by the Hound of Heaven, came back into a relationship with God ( An Atheist Comes Home ). The entry contained the heading: "Love and Beauty Disturb my Atheism". I can identify with that for love and beauty disturb mine as well.

The Bible warns me about judging someone. It also makes sure that I am careful to discern truth from error. That discernment requires judgment - me saying "this is right" or **gasp** "you are wrong". It also seems to me that when I judge something to be right or wrong I get either nodding heads or looks of horror that I dare say something, for someone else no less, is wrong. Man is finely tuned to figure out what is. We have been built, it seems, with an insatiable curiosity and when I see the Space Shuttle land or Spirit and Opportunity rolling around on Mars I realize that this is us at our best. We love to learn. What we are not finely tuned to figure out is what should be. We were in our innocence but now that our consciences have been scarred and now that we rebel against God we are awful at this. Our fallen nature clouds our minds to such an extent that we do judge rather than discern. Thank God He has left me the perfect source for discernment - the Scripture...

Recently a radio "shock jock" was accused of making racially charged comments about the Rutgers Women's Basketball team. I had heard of this person, but can't say that I had heard or watched his show. I think I flipped by it a couple of times in my hotel room but never stayed long enough on it to absorb what he was saying. Reading the transcript of the comments I agree that they were inappropriate and the punishment he is receiving is warranted. Whether he needs to be punished more or not I do not know. What is interesting is that there is a backlash now against his accusers. They are being accused of hypocrisy from people who are saying that they are calling out this behavior and are not adequately outraged about similar behavior exhibited by others. These charges of hypocrisy may be real or not - what is unreal is that there is a man who is a racist, used his radio show as a platform for that racism, and his accusers are being attacked. It is as if being accused of ...

For people like us In places like this We need all the hope That we can get. - I Still Believe , The Call

A thought had just crossed my mind. The novelty of it all left me a little startled. Not the content of the thought, but the fact that I had a thought. We are planning a trip at the end of this month to Disney World with our boys. My sister and brother in law will also be there with their two children. It will be a great time and we are looking forward to it. Just getting off the phone with the mechanic who has my car I found out that I need $561 in repairs to it. Of course this stings a little more as $500 spent in Disney is a romping good time. But why even go down that route? Why should I even think about what could have been rather than embracing what is? Even beyond what saying "I wish" says about my relationship with God and the implied lack of provision that smacks of is the practicality of it all. This situation is. I can recoil or stand. I can curse Him or bless Him. I can grouse about it or put it in my pocket and not allow it to occupy another thought. All of them ...

If I lose myself, die to myself as the Bible puts it where I put other's needs over mine, there is always one less thing to think about. When I consider something (or someone) if I have died to myself the way I am called to by Christ himself then I do not need to think of me. My desires, wants, needs are subjugated to the truth that I need not be concerned with me. Losing myself is the most freeing thing I can think of as long as it means then attaching who I am to my Creator. How might my marriage be different if I could lose myself all the time? How might my relationship with my sons be different? What about my relationships within Christ's body and with God Himself? I have One that has promised to give me everything I need and has secured my place in eternity through His grace. When I place my needs over those of others I have ascended to the throne again and have, once again, revealed that I am an idolater of the highest order.

I am listening to a Vangelis album right now named Soil Festivities. It is quite a celebration of all things terrestrial. I had forgotten how good it was and the beauty of the very things it celebrates until I picked it up from iTunes the other day. There is much to appreciate about the piece, but the that which strikes me the most is the meter and rhythm. Isn't that just like my God to provide the order, meter, and rhythm to that which He has created. My God breathes in and all await His exhale. My God's heart beats and He attaches His gaze to a small speck trailing off of the comet as it, in concert with its sisters, reflects the sun and provides the brightest of tails. Surely all creation sings for all was wrought of Him.

Conversations about God, involving God, or when God is invoked are as normal as popcorn at our house. God is an integral part of our life and a natural topic or subject of conversation. We are familiar with Him at our house and our boys know how to pray and ask questions about Him. They spend a lot of time with the church and know plenty of people there. Sometimes I wonder what all of this is going to mean to them (if anything). Will they be so familiar with Him that they will take Him for granted? Or will they embrace Him as they would their mother or me and hold on to Him tight? Will they see Him as a means to an end or as the Beginning and the End? I grew up in a religious house where we went to school and learned about Him and even found time to pray and converse about Him. It wasn't until I realized that there were people living in community with Him that my appetite was whetted to want that too. I think that is what will do it for our boys as well.

I am at my desk typing out this blog post. I am looking at my laptop screen through a pair of eyes that are going to get checked on May 9, 2007. I am 37 years old and the first public school I attended was SUNY Brockport in Brockport, New York. My boss is a couple of floors down from me doing who knows what. He has three children (two boys and a girl) who are grown and moved out of the house, He plays guitar, often at church, and has recently quit smoking. My son is at Kindergarten right now doing who knows what. I hope he remembered his library books because it is Tuesday and they are due back at the school library today. He will be singing a song called bullfrogs and butterflies at the school musical on Thursday. He's a bullfrog. My wife is home with the youngest member of our family doing who knows what. She likes being home and finds it a challenge to juggle all of the commitments she has at times. She needs to get an Easter egg coloring kit today as tonight is the only night w...

The first three months of both of our son's lives were trying times. I really think that things got a little easier after the 6-month mark. If you could deliver a baby and have him or her at the six-month mark it would be so much easier - especially on the mother. I remember evenings and nights when we would have to calm them down by walking around, actively playing with them, reading to them - all of those things. It helped to have my wife around during those bouts with fussiness. Even if she was not doing anything, her presence there was a comfort and to know that she was sharing in the care, albeit passively at that point, made those times more bearable. Even though I enjoy my solitude I know that if I did not have her in my life that solitude would be less than what it is now. It would not be the retreat it is unless she were there. Not an active participant in it, for it wouldn't be solitude if she did, but a passive one. Her love is a foundation on which those times can b...