I still seek understanding - Part two

Isn't it strange, but isn't it just like me,
To change again? - Ban the Game, Men Without Hats

It is not at all strange that I should change. In fact, I am so used to change, so used to growth, that I expect it. The way I see things now is not nearly how I looked at them even 5 years ago. I have grown in knowledge and in understanding of the world, relationships...all of it. I would like to think that I have come to truer conclusions about the world as I have become a bit more rigid in the way that I approach it. I would like to think that my experience has given me some wisdom so much so that I am able to speak truth into other people's lives whether they have asked for it or not.

And it is simply there where I find the issue.

It is all so variable isn't it? So many shadows and not enough light. I still seek understanding but still find that it is not at all strange that what I knew to be true even last week is quite a bit different than it is today. I guess I should be happy that I have the ability to reflect on my life and make adjustments. Yet all of that should terrify me as well. There are ultimate questions about meaning (or meaninglessness) purpose (or purposelessness), and humanness that I have. That others have. The way I live and the words I say to people communicate what I believe, what I understand, about the world around me. And this is irrefutable: I have changed. I am different. I communicate something different to people about those ultimate questions by what I say, what I spend my money on, what I read, what I watch, who I relate to than I did in the recent past.

Now I highly doubt that anyone has said, "Thus sayeth Mark," and marched to a particular drumbeat because of something that I have communicated to them. But just the other day one of my boys said, "We were made to work." I know where he got that from: he got that from me. I said that. And I know plenty of authorities in their respective fields that I admire and follow subjecting myself to their understanding of how the world works. At a point in time they put a stake in the ground and saying "this is true." At a point in time they felt that their perceptive understanding of the world was complete enough to even codify and people have followed their lead.

It would not be at all strange if they were to change. I rather think that they are a bit, or maybe even just like me.


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