Breathe deeply now

Just now. I went back just now.

I was 10 again and descending the stairs of my Grandma McKinley's house after a semi-restful sleep with my brothers in our sleeping bags in the red room. The carpet was soft on my feet and the thick banister shielded my sight into the living room. I smelled the toast and eggs that she made for us in the morning. It was there that I learned to pepper my eggs. There that I learned my dad liked his toast nice and burnt. It was there that I learned that all the adults liked to get up early. It was simultaneously so ordinary and such magic. I had no idea what to make of it. I didn't judge. I never did. I just breathed and twirled it all around in my head.

There it is again. I need to breathe deeply now. I want to go back there now. I want to toss my blonde hair from my eyes and stare at the cups of coffee on the table. I want her to call me Mark-o again. 

I don't know why.

I just do. 

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