Son of grace that I am...

What have I done? Who have I hurt? Who has left me? Who have I left? Where am I now that, if someone told me I'd be where I am, that I would not have believed them? The easy answer is "here", but where is my heart? What is true about me that is taking me farther from God and closer to destruction? Is this the life that I have always wanted?

 Am I beyond hope? Is my past so littered with sin and regrets that I can't see anything but a future full of what my past is? Am I useful to anyone anymore? Does anyone listen to me anymore?

 I have no strength apart from Him. I have no wisdom except His. I am done doing my own thing - because there is nothing good that can come from me groping my way along the wall in the dark. I have nothing but the voice that He has given to me and one, single, word: "Help."

 And on the other side there He is with gifts that I don't deserve and a love that withholds that which I do. There He is with the breath that will regenerate me and a sunrise that shines on the life He wants so desperately to give me.

 Am I ready to admit my impotence? Am I done trying to be impressive and admirable? Am I done looking at my accomplishments and everything that I have managed to avoid? Am I ready to look straight into the cold hard fact that I cannot possibly pay the debt to my neighbor and to God Himself that my sin has earned me? Am I sure that His steps are the ones I want to follow in? 

 In 1988 I was. I was ready to unload my sin onto His Son and ask him for forgiveness. I was ready to ask Him to re-create...to birth me a second time. I was ready for my second wind: His breath that inflated my lifeless lungs and gave me life that is truly life. I accepted Jesus' death for my sins so that I wouldn't have to die for my own sins in Hell. 

 God, help me devote the rest of my life to worship You and You alone. Help me to be the image of You that You have created me to be.

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