My Source of trust
"...Will not the Judge of all the earth do right?" - Genesis 18:25
I thought it was rather unfair to ask the boys to trust that God is doing right by, at the very least, allowing their school to close. My reasoning stemmed from the fact that, well, I have about 31 years more experience than the oldest on this planet and understand that these things happen and that I know that this is to make them, and their parents, more like Christ. I have seen things like this happen before and I have seen what is on the other side and, I guess, it's not too bad. But what if it is? What if it brings about something that, on the surface, seems so much less than what we had? What if my understanding is so darkened that I can't see the Christ-likeness that God is producing in me, or my children, as a result of His divine decree? What if this brings me to the brink of despair?
I had a picture in my head this morning of me walking down the road and being restrained from going any further. I couldn't see that which restrained me but I was prevented from moving any further. There was no foundation for the barrier so I proceeded to walk to the right to circumvent it. I walked for a hundred miles and it still restrained me from moving forward. I then walked a hundred miles to my left to my original position and then still another hundred to the left. I could attain no forward progress. I then began to dig and continued to do so until it grew too hot for me to go any deeper. I couldn't get through it. I wasn't even sure what "it" was. I then began to rise into the air and rose until I couldn't breathe and almost blacked out. Nothing - no progress could be attained by any means.
However, I had a somewhat small feeling about the barrier that I was presented with. I couldn't shake the encroachment of the feeling that, whatever it was, its presence was not only right, but good. Though it frustrated me and those that I loved; though some chose to react in anger, confusion, sadness, and even in sinful ways at it I couldn't help but think that it was all right that it was there. When I sat and rested my back against it subjecting myself to the reason behind this feeling the barrier started to become fragrant. It almost seemed loving. Then the contemplation of the barrier flooded my mind with peace (through the tears - there have been so many of those), and it drove me to my knees finally directing my worship to the One who placed it there.
Whether that barrier is God's inscrutable decree or the rooms forever emptied of the NCS students it doesn't matter. The Judge of all the earth has revealed His sovereign will to me. My trust is not in the better thing that is on the other side of this (I am not promised that) nor the understanding that this has all happened before and I am fine, but in His character and what He has revealed to me through the Holy Spirit in His Word. Anything else that produces peace in my soul is pure, unadulterated, idolatry.