I wouldn't know what to do with it

I have to admit that this frustrates me a bit. I would like to think that I am a better picture than the one the Bible paints of me...even in my regenerate state. But the fact of the matter is that God withholds a lot of information from me. I know nothing of the next minute of my life save that which I assume it to be based on my past experience. I would like to make plans, what I deem substantial plans, for the next year, but I do not have the information that I think that I need to do so. And I am not even that smart to boot. I do not have the mental capacity to examine the decisions and the activities that I engage in from the angles that, I think, would yield the optimal result. And to top it all off I am called to pursue wisdom, called to be a good manager, called to be holy with the insight and information that I am given.

And that drives me a little crazy.

But I need to rest in the fact that if I needed more information than I have to fulfill the call of God in my life I would have it. Even though sometimes I don't believe it I need to move in a way that shows the world that there is a Benevolent Despot that is ordering events for my good and giving me what I need to be like His Son. Sometimes I answer (if only in my heart) the question of, "What more can He do?" with "Quite a bit more actually" and begin to air my two fist fulls of complaints. Of course He can do quite a bit more than He is doing. He can give me quite a bit more information than He is giving me. But He won't. He won't for my own good. If He did I would misuse it. And it drives me crazy that I have to rest in that because it calls to my mind my weakness and my inclination to wander and sin.

And that inclination doesn't drive me crazy enough.


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