Small mind - even smaller still

My questions right now don't need all the answers
Just, please don't ever let go of me
No, don't ever stop loving me - The Unattainable Earth, Daniel Amos

I often repeat the response Socrates gave to the question of whether he feared death or not. He responded that it was irrational to fear that which we do not know. I agree, but I am woefully irrational. In my life there have been situations and questions that have shaken me, literally, to the core of my being. They have left me at the end of myself and have given me more than pause...they have staggered me. My mind, (as small as it is), my understanding (as feeble as it is), my relationships (as shallow as they are) do not hold all of the answers and counsel that I need. And even if I received it I would not be able to understand it.

Those are the times that I throw myself on Him and beg Him to never let go of me...to never stop loving me. Like a child I run into my Daddy's arms and ask Him nonsense questions praying that He'll not scold me, praying that He just answers them. My hand grips His so tightly that I lose all sensation. Those are the times when the answer "I don't know" brings me little satisfaction. Those are the days when the assurance "I am here" is my life.

I don't know how fast Socrates heart beat as he consumed the hemlock that took his life. I do know how quickly mine would have beaten. I also know how closely He will hold me. Just don't let go, Daddy. Please don't let go.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

tightvnc keyboard mapping problem in Ubuntu 9.04

Image
I have been, off and on, having an issue with the keys on my keyboard mapping to the correct values when using the tightvnc client when paired with the vncserver vino in Ubuntu 9.04. I am not exactly sure what keyboard layout the client and server was expecting, but it seemed like every time I restarted the OS the keyboard mapping problem would come back and I would be at square one again. Well, I think I have found the workaround I was looking for . Hopefully this will help anyone else that is having this issue.
Read more

The manifestation of the "I" and the gift of self - Part 1

I am continuing my journey through Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body and I had never realized how body-focused the 2nd and 3rd chapters of Genesis truly are.  But then it all makes so much more sense when it was brought to my attention that the body we have been given in a manifestation of me, or to put it another way, the "I". And it goes beyond that still. Not only does it reveal me, but my body also reveals, in no small measure, the image of God. That is not to say that God is made of flesh like me as is depicted in so many Renaissance paintings. The old man in the sky is nothing like the God as revealed in the Bible. However, the love that God is, the holiness that he is, the justice he is, the righteousness that he is...all of it is shown to the world through my body. In a very real way, my body allows for others, and for me, to participate in the mystery (the hiddenness) of the image of God. That is by design; from the beginning.  If God is revealed in nature...
Read more

Let me learn what I need to learn

In the “I don’t know what God is trying to produce in me…” portion of the blog: I work across (not with) an incredibly loud person. We are in cubes and he refuses to use a handset when he is in a conference call…or headphones. Everything is done via speaker phone. Maybe his handset is broken? I don’t know and am too timid (read “interested in keeping the peace”) to ask him. Of course he shouts into his speaker phone as well when he talks. Now he even refuses to use a keyboard. He has a speech recognition program that allows him to speak to the computer rather than type. Good for him! Now we can all hear “Comma…open parenthesis…close parenthesis…tab…tab...tab…” Was it my sin or my parents sin that relegated me to this placement in the office. We all know the answer to that but man…it sure feels like I am getting punished for something.
Read more