Why can't I just go to sleep?

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

I am not a still sleeper. I am always flipping this way and that and have to contort my body in all manner of various positions so as not to overly disturb my wife while doing said calisthenics. I fear that when I am the most still is when I am buried six feet deep in the pine box that I may be graced with on the way down there. In other words, when I am dead. And that's the issue.

I would much rather Psalm 46:10 say "Breathe deep and know..." or "Fold your hands across your chest and know..." for that would be much more comfortable for me. I do like the restoration that sleep brings and would like to do that more often. I would also rather the Psalmist to have written "Once you're dead and gone you'll know..." but the command is for the here and now isn't it? Crud. Crud. Crud.

I don't like to die. Not that I wouldn't mind exiting this world and being with God, but this whole dying to myself thing now is just such a drag. But...what a restoration. When I die to me right now, when I am weak through stillness, as the command implies, my soul is restored and I am getting to know that God is indeed who He says He is. It goes beyond any physical or even spiritual restoration that sleep brings. It goes all the way down.

Will I ever be comfortable with my pine box that you want me to inhabit today, Dad? Is there any hope for me?


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