I have got to be deficient

The classic line when getting dumped by a boyfriend/girlfriend is "It's not you...it's me." Of course this never confers the comfort on the "dumpee" that it is supposed to but it seems like the right thing to say. Well, there has been a lot going on lately where I am having a hard time sorting out what is my fault and what is the fault of the others involved. My inclination is to point to some deficiency in me. I mean, I know my issues and screw-ups better than anyone (save God Himself) and I realize that any one of the thousands of them could contribute mightily to the situations that have been happening lately. But, I need to be as objective as possible. It is not always my fault or even 60% my fault, or 30% my fault, or... It just always feels like I contribute more death than life; more destruction than building; more rot than ripe.

I want to do what's best, when I am not too lazy. I want to be other-centered, when I am not too busy trying to maipulate people. I want peace with you, as long as you're not too difficult to deal with. I want to build a life with you, as long as you want the same thing. Thanks be to God for His amazing grace. Not only has it saved me from Hell, but it allows me to rest at night knowing that my hope is found in Jesus' finished work and not my vain attempts to reflect him.


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