Like it was yesterday

Don't revive painful times, let them rest
Don't drag net through the sea of forgetfulness

The cut was deep, the blood was warm
I can't deny what it's done
But if we don't release the past
We'll slap the face of the days to come. - The Days to Come, 77's

I remember my internship in graduate school with The Regional Food Bank of Northeastern New York in Latham, NY like it was yesterday. It was 1994 and I had just gotten my review of my first couple of months there and, quite frankly, it sucked. They were just about to ready to run me out of there on a rail and I had a decision to make. Was I going to dwell on the cruddy job that I had done up to that point or continue treating people like I was or was I going to do something different. I couldn't go back, nor could I deny the warm blood that was a result of the wounds I had inflicted. I needed to release the past in fear of slapping the face of the days to come.

I grabbed that beast by the horns (I think it had horns, that is how I envisioned it anyway) wrestled it to the ground and drove a stake so far through its heart that they wondered about me. They wondered if I was the same person they were beginning to regret letting through the door. They marveled at the turnaround and my next review was quite good. I finished strong after a weak start.

Weak starts are the stuff of my life and I can't say that I always finish strong in the challenges I face. the fact of the matter is I need to. I don't want to revive painful times but I do need them to change me. If I keep doing the same things over and over again what good is that? I can't expect perfection but I can and should expect better and better.

By God's grace and through His Spirit I need to do better. Failure to do better is not an option. I have access to the strength and the blood that never fails and God has promised me that He will complete this good work He has started. Even in spite of me. It is just so much better to work in concert with Him than have Him produce something in me through His opposition of my efforts.

Learn that, Mark. Learn it well.

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