Nineteen forever

Wouldn't it be a drag to be like you
Settling down and having kids
And telling them what to do
I'm gonna stay nineteen forever - Nineteen Forever, Joe Jackson

I completely appreciate the sentiments of this song and, as much as I like Joe Jackson, I need to raise the spector of the false dichotomy within the confines of these lyrics. OK, enough of the fancy jargon. I don't think that the "settling down and having kids" part of my life has much to do with my apparent lack of ability to exude a passion for life that is more akin to a 19 year old rather than the 37-almost-38-year-old that I am. I would like to think that I suck the marrow out of life more than the average person and that I do that more so now than in years past.

I wrote about redeeming the time a bit a while ago in this blog and that has something to do with the passion that I want to have for life. With the wild direction/re-direction struggles behind me that characterized much too much of my teen years I can now dig deep into the life that I have been given and even look to do the same in the lives that I have been entrusted with. I won't "sell out everything" and I pray that I will "not be fooled again". And if anyone catches me acting "35" (or 36, 37, 38...) I hope that they slap me upside the head.

I want there to be wild in my eyes like there is in the eyes of my boys. There is responsibility that I have that I never dreamed of having when I was 19. But that should sap me of what I thought life was going to be all those years ago. It should energize me.

It does energize me.

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