Nonsensical Ramblings of Mark

There are so many things to which I can give myself. So many things that I can contemplate, so much I can chase after. It is so strange, this freedom I have, to literally do what I want. Of course, the freedom I choose results in a corresponding slavery and there's the rub. I have found a freedom that frustrates, kills, and separates. It's ugly and painful. It has consequences that lead to death. This freedom is sweet for a minute until it stings. Its pain lasts. I forget about that and chase the minute sweetness again. It doesn't satisfy and I am restless under its control. Up down, up down, up down - unsettling is its wake and in my lucidity I see the effects of its poison. I was listening to a podcast in preparation of me teaching the context and outline of the book of Jonah and I felt something that I had not felt since Sunday (it's Wednesday!). When the speaker talked about the compassion of God toward Jonah and the Ninevites something stirred in me. Something deep...

I am just now getting over the flu that I have had for the better part of a week. I am actually now able to concentrate and get some substantial professional and personal work done.   I hate being sick. So much of it is so frustrating because there is so much I want to do, so much of what I want to be, and I am not able to do and be that when I am ill. I know I need to embrace it when it comes. At the very least it illustrates to me life in this fallen world and brings into sharper focus the spousal purpose of my body. You see, I long to give of myself to my wife. That self gift, that love gift, is made manifest through my body. My invisible desires are now visible. There is a myriad of ways that this self gift is expressed to her - from folding laundry to holding her hand when she is sad. And yet I acutely feel my limitations of my expression of the love gift my body is purposed to be when I am sick. It is not merely a feeling of uselessness, but a frustration of the purpose ...