Nonsensical Ramblings of Mark

I will always find it amazing, maybe I shouldn't but I do, that God heals me. What on earth is He doing? Why would someone as holy and righteous as He is cure me of even the simplest of sickness only to have me continue in my seemingly endless transgression? Why doesn't He just leave me and allow me to be consumed by my symptoms? Or why doesn't He make it so unbearable that all I can think about is the pain rather than how I can pretend He doesn't see my puny fist as I shake it in His face...again? He knows I am formed from the ground, yet He refuses to treat me as such. Why not discard me, Lord, and raise up a man that will be a better husband, father, brother, son, servant...more dependent on you and more inclined to do your will? I can't fathom that He regarded my condition, still not as bad as it should have been, and sought to heal me. Somehow He found it good to heal me. Somehow He finds me usable and still worth molding into the image of His dear Son. Thank y

In a former life I was a community organizer. I ran a small non-profit organization that sought to develop a network of faith communities to serve senior citizens. I loved the job and I think I had the talents to pull it off. The only problem I had was my age and inexperience - but we still managed to pull off some good things with the talented board of directors I worked with. That having been said, I know that one of the criticisms leveled against Senator Obama during the campaign was that his big experience and accomplishments were founded during his days as a community organizer and that he had not done much in the political arena since then. This is a decent criticism for someone looking to be President of the United States, but I am not so sure about community organizing being less than political. It definitely is. Defending Obama's experience is the not the purpose of this post however. What his experience has allowed him to do is to mount and execute two flawless campaigns:

Here is a place where you can write or paint pictures And dream that the troubles will end - Murlough Bay , Iona Dreaming - what escape; what necessity; what a foretaste of how it was created to be and will soon be again. There is no end to the dreams I have for me, my family, and my world. He is a dreamer as well and I, made in His image, even I, prayerfully, act like Him as I dream. At some level all of this is not exactly how He wanted it - yet at some level it is. His justice has not yet been realized here; His love is left to the pen of poets at times so He dreams. Yet, He acts as well and there is a chasm between Him and I here. As my heart beats in my chest I realize that He is the only one with the strength to realize the dreams He has and, made in His image, I need to subject the consummation of mine to Him. Yet the dreams of the ending of this trouble still burst into my consciousness. He dreams of this too and will not let that dream go unfulfilled.

The other day I called my youngest son "Jackson" just trying to be funny and hilarity ensued: "Daddy, I don't want you to call me Jackson." "OK, what would you like me to call you?" "I want you to call me butt rat." Thankfully I kept my composure, but I had to inquire as to why. His response: "You know...'but I want a rat'." That makes no sense. But welcome to my world.

I have an obsessive personality. If there is something that I want to do I obsess about it and over it until someone (usually my wife) let's me know that I am getting a little too absorbed by it. Well, the other day I found a "too-good-to-be-true" offer on craigslist for a bunch (3 5-gallon buckets full) of Legos for $40. The posting listed that there were Star Wars, pirates, knights, etc. and that they were just kind of all jumbled up. I had heart palpitations (how's that for drama, Heather) and emailed the person with an offer to buy it. I knew the boys would dig them immensely. I told my wife about the deal and waited for the person to contact me...which they did not do. In the course of my waiting I was given some perspective that eludes me almost all of the time: "If God wants you to have the Legos you will have them." I cannot tell you how freeing that was. I know I should be further along than this, but wow - I couldn't believe the calm that broug

I always have a hard time justifying sitting through the fourth movement of Dvorak's Symphony #9 after the brilliance of the third.

Well, last week we had one of the more interesting things that ever happened to a Christmas tree happen to us. We have had our tree decorated and lit since the Sunday after Thanksgiving and it is holding up great. All of it except for the lights that is. My wife noticed one of the strands was out about a week and a half ago so she just unplugged it and plugged it back in again. It sprung back to life and all was well. Then our oldest son plugged in the lights one evening and all of the light strands were out save one - the one on the very bottom. No amount of unplugging and plugging back in would save us now and we had to de-decorate the tree last Thursday night. There was a sense of urgency to it all because we had friends coming over Friday night and wanted to enjoy the tree with them. So, we did it. Of course I commented that hanging lights for a second time would be the death of me (less stress this time around), but we got through it all right. It turns out that there were two str

I guess, fundamentally, it comes down to this for me: my world view allows for revelation as a source of knowledge. There are others who are not inclined to this world view and I can understand that, even though I do not agree with it. It seems kind of odd that someone would turn to a source of knowledge that is inadequate (i.e. their experience or their understanding of other's experiences) or something completely bankrupt (i.e. science) to answer ultimate questions of the reason behind all of this. Or even if there is a reason at all. Or if we should even be asking the question. Or if we are capable of even forming the right questions. Does it come down to this: The world view I hold as a filter by which I separate and compartmentalize my experiences? I think it may; I really do. That having been said I really need to wrap my mind around some Frame and Plantinga pretty soon to help flesh out some of this presuppositional stuff.

Why is it so hard for me to give people the benefit of the doubt? When I don't know all of the information about the motives of people I automatically go to that place where I know I shouldn't go. The place where I know that someone is deliberately trying to offend me, or at least the place where I can stand in judgment over their insensitivity toward me and my needs. Why do I automatically go there? And where is the grace if where I went in my mind turns out to be entirely accurate? This side of Genesis 3 I can't assume righteous behavior on the part of everyone I am in a relationship with. At the same time, people can't assume that I am acting righteously all the time either - even though I think they should. My track record is not that stellar in this regard so assumptions like that are not too far off base. At the same time I need to think the best of people until I figure out, with certainty, something to the contrary. Of course this will give me less to talk about

For probably the first time in my life I am struggling with dry skin on my hands. I have no idea why. My wife has chronically dry skin through the winter and, on occasion, during the summer, but mine has been fine until this year. I used some goofy lotion that we have here at work in the restroom and that didn't seem to help too much. I used come Curel last night before going to bed and that seemed to help a lot more. I think I will have to be diligent about using the lotion from now until this little condition clears up. Maybe this is a change my body is going through now that I am hurtling headlong out of my 30's? I am not an accurate person. My motto, at least internally, is "close enough". Close enough is sometimes good enough, but there are times when it just doesn't cut it. My wife is not a "close enough" kind of person. She is precise, so precise that it drives me crazy at times. I am often bewildered that my close enough does not, necessarily, me

I see myself building houses to live in all the time. These places are habitations where I am the most eloquent, best looking, most desired man I could possibly be. Every action and reaction revolves around me and, in no small measure, has at least a portion of its genesis in me. These are places where I am used mightily by God and where His words are not only present, but they are, in ever-increasing measure, expressed in ways that no one else ever has and in a way that no one else ever could. In these houses the only thing people could possibly want is to be around me for they are so enamored with who I am. These are the places where I am never wrong, always misunderstood (isn't that the lot of genius?), and free from burden.  These dwellings line the street that I have built and have perfect lawns and fountains in the middle of gardens full of flowers that no one else can grow. Why should I seek understanding from anyone when I am the one who should be understood? Why love when

It is funny to me that there is a big something or other, I'll call it an exhale, that happens on Sunday night when the boys are in bed. My wife and I have a tendency to look at each other and wonder how we made it through another week/weekend without going stark raving mad. The energy that being a husband/wife/father/mother demands is so overwhelming at times. Add to this work, ministry, friendships, and other sundry items and I wonder if life was ever meant to be like this. I do love it though - when we all sit together in the evening service and watch the baptisms, listen to the testimonies, and sing together. There is so much of my life where I know, I mean really know, that this is as good as it can be. The mounting challenges only let me drink, ever deeper, the time He has graced me with. I will exhale next Sunday night. I just pray that as I do, He will be increasingly pleased with all that I have chosen to devote my time to.

"Everybody knows a little bit of something Just a little bit" - Everybody Knows a Little Bit of Something, King's X There are so many things that I want to take at face value. There are so many people's opinions that I just want to accept and move on with. It just makes sense to me that there are trustworthy people that know quite a bit more than I and that I can implicitly trust their take on things. Without reservation. All the time. But that just isn't the case. Ever. But I want it to be. It takes a lot off energy to scrutinize everything. And then there is always the question of motives which muddies the water of the standard fact-checking that needs to be done. Often times it isn't even a matter of laziness, but a matter of time that "forces" me to rely on others to think for me. I guess the net of this is that I need to hold more loosely to opinions that I have on subjects that I may not know a whole lot about. That also means that I need to pl

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love. -- Charlie Brown Could it be that more of my life than I know is wrapped up in her? Her expressions of love to me make the sun shine brighter and more than halve my burdens - it relinquishes them. Her love brings me and my self-centeredness to ruin and releasing me to Him for it is who He is to me and reflects who I want to be to Him. Steadfast she stands wrapping her arms around me as the storm comes with the look in her eyes that wordlessly whispers, "As long as we're together, nothing else matters." Her love, her requited love, sinks its singing deeper into my soul than anything has ever gone. Her touch is my assurance; her gaze is my only desire.

Well, we did a lot of celebrating and preparation over the week/weekend I was absent from the "rest of the world". Obviously the big thing was Thanksgiving and we had a great celebration all day on Thursday. Then Friday hit and we thought that we only had a small window of opportunity to get a boatload of stuff done so...off we went. We got the rest of the leaves up in the front yard. Our oldest son also had fun using the "sucker" (basically a shop-vac) to get rid of the leaves in the front garden. Then, armed with the promise of fairly nasty weather in the coming days, I went up on the roof to string the Christmas lights. I didn't get it all done on Friday (it was getting dark, cold, and I had to get to the leaf dump) so I planned on hanging the wreath over the garage and doing the rest of lights (mainly plugging stuff in) on Saturday. Saturday rolled around and, again with the promise of nasty weather next weekend, we went to Stoke's Tree Farm to get our C

I have written quite a bit about Michael Gleason on this blog and how much I identify with the music he has written - especially the work he did with AD and the solo album I have of his called Children of Choices . It seems that our paths have crossed again. Our church uses a curriculum from North Point Community Church in our children's ministry's HighPoint program on Sunday morning. Going over the lesson last week I noticed that there was a Michael Gleason credited with the music for the program. I thought that was an interesting coincidence at least, but it turned out to be much more. It turns out that he, indeed, has been involved with the program for the past six years and has written much of the existing musical catalog. It is great to see him active and involved in this and it brings me much satisfaction to know that the music my sons sing now is composed by the same man that I had the pleasure of "discovering" in my college days. I have to hand it to God, agai

Well, almost everyone has heard that there was a rather expensive tool bag that was lost during a spacewalk by a NASA astronaut. Well, it looks like an astronomer actually videoed Earth's newest artificial satellite. He said it was easily an 8th magnitude or brighter object as he filmed it passing by the 4th magnitude star eta Pisces. An object that bright would show up quite easily in my Newtonian reflector which is 4.5 inches in diameter. Well, reading Slashdot there was one comment that made me laugh as much for it's wit as for the Star Trek reference that it made: ...in the future it'll come back as an alien intelligence named T'lbg. Truly a classic comment and I am not one who was as down as most on the first Star Trek movie. I thought it was more than a decent bit of science fiction.

In the midst of an upgrade to Ubuntu version 8.10 I thought that I would scratch out a blog post on my Palm. It is a bit slower and more error prone than typing, but I have gotten fairly used to using Graffiti as a way to input text. At any rate I think it is groovy to have multiple ways to generate electronic text and make it available for processing. It sometimes makes me wonder how long the keyboard as I know it is going to be around. Probably longer than I think, but I do believe that its days are numbered. Just like the pen. I have not used a pen at work for 3 weeks and it may even be longer than that. Strange times we live in for sure.

I often joke that English is my second language. I work with translators here at my place of employment where this is, actually, true and it provides some interesting interactions. I just received this email from one of my colleagues (* inserted to protect identities): The contact would be T**** R****** (he is either the President or Vice President) at t*****.r******@la********.com If you are not familiar with his capabilities I would ask for an overview… Thanks, K**** I am not sure what this means and I am a bit too timid to ask for clarification. I think I will just rifle off the email and get more familiar with his capabilities that way.

For some reason, when I was ironing my pants this morning, Ruth Buzzi popped into my head. I was very young when she entered (and, presumably never left) my psyche but I do remember her Saturday morning show The Lost Saucer. For some reason the world of Sid & Marty Croft resonated with me on multiple levels and I am quite sure that my mind is more twisted as a result of watching it on multiple occasions. So why didn't Jim Nabors make it into my stream of conscious thought this morning? I am sure that the fact that he didn't hasn't diminished him in any way nor has it detracted from his accomplishments up to this point, but Ruth has left much more of an impression on me. "Discussing" this issue with my wife this morning was of no use because she had no idea what I was talking about. That's all right. I am sure that some people out there joined me around the TV on Saturday morning to watch this.

One of the worst decisions I have ever made was to purchase 72-inch shoelaces. I struggled and struggled with those things last year (there was a lot of shoelace manage) and refused to buy another pair with which to lace my boots. Well, this year I broke down and bought 54-inch shoelaces. I just got done tying my boots. This must be what heaven is like.

In a moment that will live in political perpetuity Senator Barack Obama was asked when human life began. He had some roundabout things to say and then finally mentioned that to make that determination was "above his pay grade." That is a refreshingly honest thing to say and one that strikes deep into my dilemma and place in this universe. Making that determination is above my pay grade too and, without the revelation afforded to me by God Himself, I would not have the ability to make that determination either. I am finely tuned to describe what "is" in incredible detail. God even placed inquisitiveness in my heart but, tainted by sin, my inquisitiveness is misguided and often fails to determine the right facts. In addition to this is the fact that I am awful (I mean putrid!) at determining what ought to be. In fact, I run in the other direction too many times when I am called to do the right thing. That has an impact on my respect for life and finding facts that wou

I think I may have written about this before, but I remember watching a video in a Sunday service (or was it a Wednesday service) where John MacArthur was on the Larry King show and he mentioned that his authority was the Bible. That struck me (maybe it shouldn't have, but it did) in a deep way and I haven't been able to shake it. It has certainly helped me sort out and make sense of a lot of things that have happened since and why those things have happened in the manner that they have. Obviously there are quite a few people that are upset about Proposition 8 and the definition of marriage it imposes (yes, that is the right word) on people that live in the state of California. Imposition is not always a bad thing. I find that the definition of murder that the laws of New York State impose on me and others to be quite satisfactory because they coincide with where the Bible stands on the issue. As someone who finds the Bible to be his authority I find that the imposition of the

You were my taste of heaven We'll have forever - Breakfast Table, Chris Rice Rather than diminish Him (if in my heart only), it seems to me that the longing for heaven that is made so palpable by the passing of a loved one, magnifies Him more. That longing that I may feel for someone who has found their heavenly dwelling before me is just an inkling of the love shared between the Father, Son, and Spirit that they have in eternity. Tapping into and meditating on, and bringing those longings close to my chest as f is an ever-more-perfected reflection of Him and allows me to embrace more of this "image" He has created me in. There is nothing He would want more than for me to act, feel, and love like Him. It would seem to be so ungodly to do otherwise.

Well, it has been a bit since I have given an update about what has been happening in my son's aquarium, so here it is: All the fish are doing fine. Currently we have 6 glowlight tetras, two corydoras panda catfish, and one otocinclus. They are all extremely active (especially the cories) and seem to have adapted well. I am not impressed with the anubias hastifolia and have since read that it does much better in an emersed environment rather that a submersed environment like it is now. The growth seems to have stagnated somewhat. On the other hand the anubias coffeefolia is looking great. I thinned out some java moss as it was getting clumpy and I think there was some rot going on. It looks much better now and I am looking for the pale green points to note new growth. My java fern is not growing quickly but I think it is growing - it is still too small for my taste, but I hope that the holdfast spreading I performed on it a month back will help it root on the rock it is attached to

My single most visited blog post (according to statcounter.com) is the one on Bible Family Feud . There are a lot of people looking for information on this subject and they like to come to my blog to find it for some reason. The post on Bible Jeopardy is pretty popular too but it is a distant second to the Family Feud one. Well, we had another round of it last night and the kids seemed to have a better time this time around than the last. One of the problems (if you can call it that) is that we split up into Red/Yellow/Blue/Green teams but had too many kids on each team to get them all up on the stage. We mitigated that somewhat and the prizes were handed out to everyone, but I think some of them were not thrilled that they couldn't get up there to participate. Here are the categories and answers that we had in place for last night: Round 1 Name a city or body of water in Israel 1. Jerusalem 2. Sea of Galilee            3. Bethlehem 4. Dead Sea            5. Nazareth 6. Capernaum

I am listening to the first movement of Vangelis' Soil Festivities and a thought just struck me. The movement opens with a clap and echo of thunder and the sound of rain. Soon, the instrumentation is revealed as if emerging from the rain. The tempo that is realized is carried throughout the movement and the festival begins. I began to wonder about the meter and rhythm of the rain as it always sounds so chaotic to me. But, knowing that God is so orderly and precise, I wonder if the rhythm of the rain merely escapes me. I cannot be so bold as to deny that it's there can I? Or is it truly absent only to when the rain is restored to its original form? I'll presume it is there for now. To think otherwise would lead me down paths I have no business treading.

Ugh - I feel like such a slacker. The 8.1 release for the Ubuntu Linux OS has been out since the beginning of October and the upgrade is nowhere on my radar screen at this moment. In fact, I haven't even been in the OS in a while with the changing of my job functions recently - this brings me much pain, but I need to get used to it. Presumably there is better WiFi support in the new version of the OS and I was looking forward to trying it out due to the fact that we have some nice wireless capability in the new building I am occupying now. I'll have to see how free I can be later in the month when more and more people leave for the holidays. Maybe this will (**gasp**) have to wait until the middle of December or early next year. Just a small glimpse into the problems that I have. Well, actually, there are many more than that but this is the one that I am comfortable sharing at this point.

Did the sun really ever shine before she entered my life? Was there ever a perfect day or a straight line? Was the warmth really comforting or was it just an illusion? Friendship, laughter...all of it must have existed purely in my imagination because there is no sight to it now apart from her. She is the purest reflection of the Goodness that swirls over my head and through my heart. She is the beating heart of my being. My life wasn't life before her and my death is sweeter in the light of the picture she continues to paint of Him.

Of course I am disappointed that Obama won the election last night. I would be less disappointed if the Senate and the House were more or less split or if the Republicans were in the majority. But, alas, this is the course that we have chosen and we will have to continue to be vigilant. I am happy that the defense of marriage bills passed in California (of all places), Arizona, and Florida. It looked like the votes were not even all that close in any of the votes for amending those state constitutions. Of course I also am fully aware that Obama, the defense of marriage bills, or even Sarah Palin cannot change anyone's heart to repent and move in the direction that God would have them to move. As a Christian I rejoice when God's will is done here on earth - Christ told us to pray for it - and some of the things that I saw last night showed me that was being done. I also know that the church in this country has a job to do and we need to do it regardless of the political leanings

My dad is from Wayland, NY where he grew up on a farm and played on the high school volleyball team. Well, he did a lot more than that, but not a whole lot more. It is Wayland after all. Actually, all kidding aside, I have some great memories that are centered there (Dansville and Hornell as well) and I would like to get back there some day. Well, I came to find out that today that there is a new X Server for Linux called, you guessed it, Wayland. It is a lightweight rendering and compositing server that will, hopefully, be in use in embedded systems that run Linux. Kind of exciting. It would be more exciting if my dad was a geek so we could toast the re-implementation of the X.Org Server together with the name putting the town of Wayland, New York on the map. OK, maybe that's a little strong, but this has the potential of bringing Linux to more and more systems that we use everyday. Even if it was codenamed "The Pit of Dispair" that is still something to celebrate.

A few things that I know are true all the time: God is shaping me to look more and more like his Son. Every event that occurs in my life gives me an opportunity to please and glorify God. If I approach life with the above two statements in mind I will look a lot different than I do now.

At one point I closed my eyes as I listened to the Forum album from one of my favorite bands (Undercover)... I could feel myself driving the old 1981 brown Chevy Impala station wagon down the Lake Ontario parkway in the middle of the Summer. I sensed the smells and the heat as I rode along that stretch of road. The only thing that I wasn't in touch with was whether I was 18 again or if I was as old as I am now. My age is almost a non-issue as those memories wash over me as they are absolutely timeless now. I need to resist the urge to romanticize them though. It wasn't all good times, but they were full of youth - full of the outlook, insecurities, tempestuousness, fear, and frivolity of youth.

I spend most of my time in an environment that is climate controlled. That is not so surprising. What is surprising to me, or something that piqued my curiosity, is the feelings I have toward different types of climate control. Stepping from a cold environment into an artificially warm one (the current state of things) I feel a sense of comfort and security. Stepping from a hot environment into an artificially cool one offers me a sense of relief but nothing that I could characterize as comfort or security. I wonder why that is the case. Why wouldn't the climate control offered to moderate the extreme outside temperatures evoke the same feelings from me? I can say that I feel more satisfied and secure in shade than I do in an air-conditioned home or building. Maybe I need to be exposed to more extreme heat - as extreme as the cold gets in this neck of the woods - in order for me to feel the same about air conditioning than I do heat. Or maybe I am just as in touch with my emotions

There is nothing in the Bible (that I am aware of) to suggest that God created the best of all possible creations even before the fall. It is not a stretch to assume that we, currently, do not live in the best of all possible creations now because the narrative in Genesis 1 and 2 points to a better one. But what of His creation before Genesis 3? Will the best of all possible creations be achieved when he brings about the new heaven and the new earth? Or will He reserve creative acts that will be engaged in after this cosmos has been remade? Or will He simply be done creating? I can't see this happening because, for some reason, He seems to have a drive to create and re-create. Just like I do. These questions popped into my head yesterday. It seems to me that I need to find my rest, more and more, in questions rather than answers. Is it intellectual laziness that finds me resting there or extreme faith? I don't even want to answer that.

I have felt very well-rested the past couple of days which is quite unusual for me. I have obviously had some very sound sleep and am thankful for it. What makes this even more unusual is the fact that I have had some very vivid dreams - so vivid in fact that I have had a hard time shaking them and their content has been encroaching into my consciousness numerous times throughout the past couple of days. The content isn't anything that strange or unusual and that is probably one of the reasons why they are so hard to shake or separate from "reality." Normally I have had vivid dreams when I had eaten anything past 7:00 p.m. or so. That was usually the tipping point of when I would be graced with some intense dreaming that would take me to sometimes strange places. Curiously, though, I have not had the inclination (nor the time) to "boredom eat", but the dreams still come. As they did last night. I wonder what tonight will bring.

I was thinking about something being ultimately optimal (ultimate optimalbility?) in light of the realization that there will always be something that will diminish something else. I am not a pessimistic person, but I think that embracing the fact that we will never find an experience or condition on this planet, in this life, that ultimately optimal may help my perspective somewhat. I was dry-fitting some components in my mind for a CO 2 reactor for our home aquarium and thought I had come up with the optimal design. Well, the optimal design for the equipment I have anyway. I quickly realized that the tube I was looking to use is just a tad too thin to hang on its own and I would need to adhere it to the piece it needs to connect to on the power head I was planning on using. Then I thought of a few other things that would make it better...but then I realized that I just needed to make it work with what I have. So there it is. I will be making a reactor that will be better than the di

Maybe I am just myopic but it seems to me that I don't hang around a lot of people who are unaware of what the Bible says. Most people that I am in contact with, like me, struggle with the desire to implement what the Bible says they ought to rather than figure out what the Bible says about a given topic. I have recently been in the opposite situation and have found it very satisfying to have the opportunity to provide certain people with the Biblical approach to various situations and found a great deal of satisfaction in doing that. The Biblical knowledge that I have had opportunity share go beyond the theological implications of the nature and attributes of God and rest firmly in how to please Him. It is less of the what and more of the how. That is different for me as well because I can excuse the "what's" (I am not that smart) but have no excuse for the "how" (God has equipped me to do His will). Prayerfully I will have other opportunities to do this. I

I could see myself wearing this shirt: if my wife would wear this: We'd be quite a pair wouldn't we?

Opening my self up to input or direction seems to be more difficult for me than it should. A couple of experiences, one this weekend and one just this morning, is leading me ever down the path where maybe, just maybe, someone knows a little something more than me. This weekend we had to get some slats for the bed and I thought that some nice 1x4's would do the trick. I don't recall ever seeing anything thicker than that on a bed frame so I had it in my mind that those would fit the bill. Of course my wife had it in her mind that some nice 2x4's would be better so, reluctantly, I went along with her. Well, $7 and three cuts with a circular saw later and the bed is as solid as it has ever been. She made a good call, but, hey, at least I didn't rain on her thought parade. So that's good, right? This morning the weather was less than stellar with cold temperatures, wind, and rain. We were scheduled to go on a field trip with the youngest's kindergarten class and I w

Many people find me and my sense of humor to be twisted or mental. Other than the fact that I enjoy the moniker I often wonder why that is. I think that growing up in a large family absolutely had something to do with it (plenty of fodder and audience) but I also think that there were some significant events or inclinations that have led to it as well. I think that my early attraction to subversive (i.e challenging the status quo) comedy - especially British comedy ala PBS - led me to think that there was nothing out there that was sacred. Nothing that could not be held up to derision. Obviously my views on this have been tempered somewhat, but there are very few things that I will not make light of - even if only in my mind. Being exposed to this type of humor also led me into different musical tastes. I would listen to anything from new wave and punk straight through to classical and new age. Again, this is not what the majority of my friends were listening to, so I would look elsewh

I gave blood last weekend and found out that my blood pressure is 116/68. That is as normal as popcorn and means that I do not have hypertension. I was looking at the following list of things one would need to do to lower their blood pressure: Stop smoking Reduce weight Exercise Eat low salt foods Eat low protein foods Consume no caffeine Mild sedation Sufficient Rest Don't oversleep Well, I don't smoke so out of the remaining items I am only attracted to mild sedation. Maybe I should be thankful that I do not need to do any of the things on this list. But maybe I should ponder why I am still attracted to mild sedation.

Whether I care to admit it or not there are things that I am not very good at. I think my wife is more in tune with her strengths and limitations than I am because she is constantly filtering out opportunities that come her way in light of what she is able to do well. I, on the other hand, need some encouragement to make sure that I am not biting off something that I will not have the ability to chew. Part of that problem stems from me not liking to say "No" to anyone or anything that is urgent. I always sacrifice the important things (or so it seems) and I am growing in this area which is a nice way of saying I still screw things up. There was an incident that happened today that reminded me that I need to make sure I am well-equipped to handle things if the spiral into areas that I am not adept at handling/ This "well-equippedness" may entail calling other people alongside me to compliment my gifts and abilities or it may entail a re-tooling of what I thought I wo

Some thoughts are so random that there is no way they could occupy an entire blog post. Here they are: I love the automated package kiosk at the post office. It is amazing how much better I feel after I exercise. During my exercising I feel like I am going to die. There is a marked difference in the way I feel (for the better) while exercising when I jog two days in a row compared to jogging after a break of a week and a half. I saw a balding man in a blue blazer, smoking a cigarette and holding a banana the other day. I thought it was a piece of performance art until he entered the same building I was going into. The reason why I would want to have three hands has nothing to do with opening the door while my other hands are full. I would want to use it to join the circus. You should hear how the initial bass line in "All Things New" by Steven Curtis Chapman rattles the speakers in my car. Well, that's all I have for now. We'll see if I can get a regular cadence of no

Lately we have had to introduce the saying "No big deal" into my son's second-grade teacher's lexicon to deal with some issues that she was having with our oldest boy. He gets frustrated easily and is, surprisingly, overwhelmed by what seems like some very minor things. We have to reassure him that it is "no big deal" when this happens and it seems to give him a shot of confidence, or peace, or whatever. I know where he got this tendency to obsess over trivialities: me. This morning I noticed some emerging nastiness that I need to take care of in my son's fish tank. I was obsessing about it when I got into the car this morning to head out to work and I found myself chuckling a "no big deal" to my heart. It really isn't an awful thing that I need to deal with and I really need to just chill out and take it easy...gather all of the information I can and try this and that to see if I can make progress at it. This too shall pass, one way or ano

There is so much in my life that is ending and beginning. I have to wonder which one, the beginning or the ending, I pay more attention to. I do know that if the situation is unpalatable to me I relish the ending much more than the beginning...and vice versa. I wonder if I need to focus on the exact opposite in the situations where I find myself longing for a beginning or an ending. I would think that if my flesh yearns for something that it does not have, I ought to be looking to the exact opposite to sow to the spirit. Is it that easy? At least right now I think so. But I could be wrong. I hope that I am conscious enough to catch my fleshly yearnings to test this and see if I am correct.

First the nonsensical one: Can a list have only one item? Or is that just a statement or inquiry? Now something more substantial: With the gas prices falling a little bit every day (we're down to $3.59 a gallon from about $4.15 not that long ago) I am concerned that fuel economy will now not be the hot topic it was even 6 months ago. I am not a tree-hugging greenie, but I think that fuel economy and decreasing our reliance on oil is something that will increase our national security, drive our foreign policy in a new direction, and become a key differentiator for our economy over emerging markets like China and India. I think it is an effort that needs to be redoubled and something that we should have embraced after the first oil embargo in the 1970's. This is not something that I think we need to do to reverse the warming of the planet, but something that will serve us and the planet well. I think it is a moral issue as well. I have to think that pursuing clearner energy sourc

There is an old R.E.M. song called "Gardening at Night" that has nothing to do with this post. In my mind when I I think of gardening at night it is usually in reference to an activity that is being engaged in at a time that is out of place. Like mopping the kitchen floor at 10:00 at night or browning ground beef at 3:00 in the morning. I am beginning to believe that in my life, as full as it is, there is no such thing as an activity that is "out of place" at any time of day or night. I know that there is a rhythm that my body has and that I violate that rhythm at my own peril, but I am beginning to find that I need the beat of a different drum...or a different instrument altogether...more and more. It is almost like I have three lives - the one before the boys get up, the one at work, and the one after they go to bed. I am trying with all my might to not stretch it into 4 lives (after my wife goes to bed). I need to manage the lives I have better so that does not h

Driving into work today I was thinking about when ministry ends (if it ever ends) and "just life" begins. I then wondered if I can draw that line clearly.Is ministry simply when I am preparing and delivering a sermon or a Bible lesson or can it be sitting with my wife watching Dancing with the Stars fully embracing my God-given role as husband. Is it reading Bible stories to my boys, or can it encompass a game of Trouble or Go Fish? Quite obviously there are times, in a traditional ministry role, when I am not ministering. I do too much in the flesh and know that there are things that I have done "for the Lord" that were really done "for myself" or "for someone else". But, when I leave the confines of the church building or am engaged in something other than Biblical instruction (i.e. "this is what the Bible says...") am I not ministering? Can "Biblical instruction" be defined as modeling God-given roles (like Dad, Husband, an

I get overwhelmed very easily. Last Friday I took a look at all the stuff I had to do over the weekend and into the first half of this week and was a little overwhelmed at the whole thing. I had plans of how to accomplish those tasks but got lost in the "what-ifs" and in the elements that I did not have in place to accomplish the tasks. Then there is always the ideal vs. the actual that drives me a little nuts: what I would like to do versus what I can reliably do. All of that having been said it looks like I will be good to go on accomplishing all of my responsibilities after tonight. I will be doing the taping (and maybe the editing that I have to do) tonight and the video should be accomplished by Thursday. I am ready (save a few small things) for the special ministry night that I have had on the books for Wednesday and it looks like the weather will hold for me to get some more wood cut on Sunday. Add to that the swim lessons and soccer camps, homework, and house maintena

I have been tasked with writing some newscasts to introduce the "virtue of the month" for our kid's worship service called HighPoint. I got the idea to do this from a CD I was given and, hopefully, I have been able to carry it to more ridiculous extremes. What the ministry leader wanted was a newscast that used the same beginning sound of the virtue of the month. I did the first newscast live which was all right, but this next one is going to be delivered via video which I think will work much better. The virtue for this month (September) was "knowledge" and here is the content of the newscast: Good morning and welcome to HighPoint News Nicely Nestled Near Noon.  My name is Ned Noodlebaum sitting in for a nominally nonchalant Nancy Newhouse. Now, neighborhood news from Nevada:  A nationally-known, no-nonsense neurologist named Norman Newhart knew a nurse that was noticeably non-plused by her notoriously novel nostrils. Suffering from nosebleeds she notified Norm

One things that I love about my kids is that there is so much that is brand new to them. Bible stories that are old hat to me are approached with plenty of interest and questions like "Are you kidding me?" or exclamations of the "Whoa..." variety. I remember a conversation that I had with my youngest son where he was wearing some pajamas that he had received as hand-me-downs from a neighbor and he was asking who the super heroes were on them. Spider Man (he knew)...the Incredible Hulk...Cyclops of X-Men fame, Iron Man and even Captain America were on there bringing back a flood of memories to me but a reveling in all things new to him. He was excited about his new found knowledge and rattled the super heroes off to his brother only forgetting who Captain America was. If I were to approach the sunrise, or the expressions of love my wife gives with such wonder I would be so much richer for it. Even my salvation ushered a newness into my life that I have not fully come

And if you tell me it's just imagination I won't believe it 'cause my heart tells me this is for real The revelry and the fascination When destiny draws near I'm standing on the last frontier This is the heartland - Heartland, AD One of the "super groups" of early Christian rock music was a band called AD. They never met widespread acceptance but they, for good reason, garnered critical acclaim. The front man for the group was Kerry Livgren who wrote two of Kansas' greatest hits: Dust in the Wind and Carry on Wayward Son. The musicians that he attracted to the AD were top-notch to say the least. I came across an mp3 to a song that I had not heard in a long time called Heartland from the album Art of the State. It has captured more of my mind share lately than any other song in my collection. I just so happens it was written by Michael Gleason who actually penned another one of my AD favorites off of this album Lead me to Reason. It is funny how I am drawn

When it was dark outside last night at 7:30 I felt like someone had grabbed me by the collar and the britches and thrown me headlong into something that I had no desire to inhabit. I ran around around the house screaming (if only in my head) "fall back! fall back!" when my wife chuckled and simply said "Not yet." Ugh - not yet. I would have to wait a little longer for my precious daylight to inhabit my evenings. A little while longer still until I celebrate December 22, 2008 when, minute by minute, the darkness will give way to the delightful day. But what of it? Can I celebrate the darkness much like I was taught to celebrate the heat? Or is this altogether different? In the midst of my days time continues its march. Thanks be to God that it serves His purposes and His alone. It will find its fulfillment and lay down to rest when it is swallowed into eternity. Its legs must be so tired and its feet so swollen by now. Yet it still makes its way, its ever quickening

Isn't it strange? Or isn't it just like me to change again. I live in a fire or isn't it just like me... The final hour. - Ban the Game, Men Without Hats Ban the Game, Men Without Hats, nor the Safety Dance has anything to do with this post, but I thought I would give some clue as to where the title of the post came from. At any rate I was thinking about Captain Slappy today. You know, the guy who, with a couple good buddies, declared today "Talk Like a Pirate Day"? I updated my Facebook status today writing that I remember Captain Slappy with fondness not even realizing that Talk Like a Pirate Day was today. For some reason, he just popped into my conciousness. It was only in my subsequent searching on the web that I found out that the holiday he invented is, indeed, today. It is absolutely amazing how the mind works. I remember a time when I was sitting in a social work class where the professor mentioned that there are life events that impact how we act or fee

There are certain smells that send me to different places. The smell of a gas stove will always remind me of my Grandma's house when she would cook and bake for the army of family (mostly all ours) that she would have over around the holidays. The smell of cow manure takes me back to the exit we take off of I390 to snake our way down to my Dad's home town of Wayland, NY. The smell of toast, especially burnt toast, brings me back to my childhood when my Dad would make his breakfast and always darkened his toast way too much because he liked it that way. The smell of mothballs and ammonia would bring me to the Barret's house and the fun we would have there mostly outside and in their pool. The smell of nicely aged aquarium water sends me back to the times when, as a child, I would marvel at this fishy creatures and clean their tanks at an all-to-irregular schedule. All of these smells, some pleasant and others that I could live without, remind me that I have been shaped. Than

Yesterday I had the opportunity to do some chainsawing on the wood pile that my in-laws have out in Williamson, NY. It was hot, but not unbearably so, and I did end up getting a lot done. There was some reconditioning done on the saw recently and it is humming through the wood so I am very happy about that. I wasn't keen on going out yesterday because of the heat and the business of the day but there were a few things that pushed me in the right direction. The one was that I would have the opportunity to get some fruit and vegetables for my wife who has been a mad woman getting the "harvest" canned, frozen, and jammed. There was a bushel of 20 ounce apples waiting to be turned into sauce so that was a good thing to bring home. The second was that I wouldn't lose a lot of weekend time with the boys and that I would have some time to play with them in the evening when I got home. The third was that hard work satisfies me and that it brings on sweet sleep. I wonder if de

He was just a goofy looking kid on a goofy looking bike, but he rode it up and down our street a lot. Or at least it seemed like a lot. So much, in fact, that we gave him a name. He was the Bionic Schnid. Now I just did a search on "bionic schnid" in Google and didn't get any hits so apparently the name did not stick. That isn't surprising, but it is a bit disappointing. I think that we, as kids, kind of wanted it to stick...to mark the one we were directing it at. But alas, our plans were foiled and I have lost track of whatever happened to him. Don't ask me what his real name was because I have no idea. The picture of this long-black-haired, spectacled kid on his bike (with front and rear fenders nonetheless) enjoying the Summer and riding this way and that up and down Strathmore Drive will be forver etched in my memory. And that memory will be taken to the grave I am sure unless it is carried along in the minds of my sons or whoever chooses to recall this post.

I was reading in Isaiah last nigh for my read-trough-the-Bible-in-a-year program (yes I'm behind, but I am catching up) when I came across this verse: Isaiah 5:25 Therefore the LORD's anger burns against his people; his hand is raised and he strikes them down. The mountains shake, and the dead bodies are like refuse in the streets. Yet for all this, his anger is not turned away, his hand is still upraised. Isaiah paints a bleak picture of the results of the anger of the Lord, but even more striking is the final statement that "his anger is not turned away, his hand is still upraised." How amazing, awesome, and terrible this picture of God is. It is a glimpse of the time when He will pour out His wrath relentlessly on those who have rejected Him. There are many more sad pictures in the Bible, but I believe the one that strikes literal grief into my heart is in Lamentations 5:21-22: Restore us to yourself, O LORD, that we may return; renew our days as of old unless you

You think I’d have it down by now Been practicing for thirty years I should have walked a thousand miles So what am I still doing here? - Chris Rice, Clumsy Yesterday was quite the interesting day. We were socked in with clouds and rain all morning and the mood in my heart (and around our house) matched the stark clouds perfectly. My wife was off to deal with an unreasonable person, the boys were semi-late for the bus, I hit all kinds of traffic on the way into the office, we were having issues with a minor home improvement project...there were all kinds of reasons to be foul - or so I thought. As if to let me know that I still need the Savior the afternoon was completely different. The burden of the unreasonable person was lifted (due, in no small part, to my wife's handling of the situation), the sun was so bright that I squinted the entire way home, the commute in the afternoon was nothing short of a pleasure, there was bacon for dinner, and we received a good report and some go

Last night I had the strangest dream I sailed away to China in a little rowboat to find ya and you said you had to get your laundry clean. Break My Stride, Matthew Wilder I ate a little late last night and was dreaming that I was watching CNN. That isn't all that strange other than the fact that we do not have cable, but what made it weird was that they called New York and California for Obama in the 2008 presidential election and Texas for McCain. Of course with the election a couple of months away yet this was strange, but not altogether bold as I am sure the states will break that way come November.

"Global warming doesn't kill polar bears. Sarah Palin does. With her bare hands."

My wife has undertaken quite a production these past couple of days and our family is better for it. We bought a lot of peaches at the farm market last week and they ripened in a hurry. In addition, my wife picked blackberries and raspberries a couple of days ago and they look great and have been taking up ample space in our refrigerator. Until yesterday. She was a flurry of activity after returning from a back-to-school breakfast with friends. She canned all of the peaches, made peach jam, and could not stop until the triple-berry jam (strawberry, raspberry, and blackberry) was complete. Today she is buying a lot of corn (I am not sure how many dozen) and she is cutting it off of the cob to freeze it. She even, only mildly, lamented that she needs to make blueberry jam (my favorite) and I am sure it is only a matter of time before she gets that done. It is easy to brag about my wife. I have never struggled with the way that she has taken care of me and our sons. That house runs like a

Aside from the fact that this is a bone of contention between my spouse and I is the fact that I remember some pretty trivial things while recalling events and notables that are less important. The other day I was driving home from work and remembered, quite vividly, a conversation that I had with my great aunt Mary while we were either driving to her cottage on Seneca Lake or back to her home in Elmira. I asked her why she didn't open the window on her side of the car when she was driving. She mentioned to me that the reason was that her arms were too short to rest on the sill of the window and keep two hands on the wheel. She then when on to mention that my dad's arms were long enough to accomplish this feat and that is most likely why he liked to have the window open. I think that is where the conversation ended either because I was satisfied with the answer or something else was more interesting than continuing it. Looking back on it now, her answer was a little nonsensical

How can anyone be bored? I guess I just don't understand it, but life just seems to be so rich and full right now it makes me almost burst. We had so many unique experiences over the four days I was off from work it is hard to know where to begin. Whether it was my son completely immersed in watching Mary Poppins (outside in the dark nonetheless!) or rejoicing in the eventual loosening of the tightened chain on the chainsaw and the productivity enhancement it garnered, I can't begin to convey the experience of it all. It is almost like being immersed in a relentless display of indescribable colors...there is nothing that can be conveyed to anyone that will accurately contain it all. It is all experience. My experience. And that frustrates me at times for I want people to share in my joy - not the joy that I can verbalize, but the one that is in my head; the one that is thrust from my heart. Will it always be this individual experience? Or will this, too, be swallowed in whole a

I can't say that I like coming to the office in the morning. Actually, most days I am not sure why I am here at all given the fact that I can do 98.3% of what I do every day at home. If I was a ragin' greenie weenie I would look at saving the atmosphere the carbon monoxide that I generate on my morning commute and work from home. I care about the environment, but I don't ccccaaaarrrreeee about the environment if you get my drift. All that to say that there is at least one thing that I do like about the office. There is a stall in the bathroom we have up here that I really like. I only like it I don't lllllliiiiiiikkkkkkeeee it mind you. It for individuals who are physically handicapped and, since there is no one on this floor that fits this description, I have no qualms about taking it when it's open. The toilet is nice and high and when I am sitting on it I cannot touch the opposite wall with my arm fully extended. Nice and big and I don't have to eat my knees

I remember reading an article a while back about a woman's exit from atheism and the fact that "beauty", as she put it, "interrupted her atheism." It interrupts mine as well and I find that what I find beautiful, the people and things that bring joy to my life and a smile to my face, are so much more meaningful because of my faith in the God of the Bible. I can't shake the fact that this beauty is a love song of sorts from God to me. He gives me glimpses and foretastes of the new heavens and new earth every time I close my eyes and let the 3rd movement of the New World Symphony wash over me, or when my wife lays her comfort down for her children and friends. What would ring in my heart if I were to experience these things apart from Him? Having always been at least spiritual in my life (if not outright godly) I guess entering into the mind of those that are not oriented in this way is not attractive to me. Yet, I find myself shaken from my sleep at times whe

I subscribe to a classifieds email service and receive notices for all manner of interesting things. I have found that if I am interested in an item I like to see a picture of it. Well, there is a heavy user of the wantads that had a ring to sell. Here was the text of the ad: FS: Opal Ring Sz 9 Yellow Gold Asking $80 Will go Down to $70 if picked up before noon And here was the accompanying picture: I am not a genius, but I have a feeling that it is not going to get picked up before noon today. The funny thing is, I can see myself doing something like this too. Maybe we are long lost siblings...who knows?

Hey restless Can you sleep tonight? Something's going wrong got to make it right. Wake up now before you sleep the night away. - Restless, David and the Giants If this hasn't characterized my life recently I don't know what has. Last night I was so restless - I was feeling like I was speeding towards a brick wall at 100 miles an hour with no ability to steer or brake. It has only been recently (maybe in the last hour or so) that my soul seems to be more settled. I get these feelings every once and a while and they move me nearly to tears. Almost like a feeling of desperation where my feet aren't touching the ground. It is almost like I can't catch my breath, like I am drowning on dry land. I hate the feeling and am in prayer more during those times than any other. Am I sleeping the night away? Is that why these feelings flood my soul? Is God prompting me to lift to Him the stresses that build and build and threaten to wreck me on the rocky coasts? Are those times w

So there we were, the four of us, in the pet store (locally-owned, of course) to get the fish for my son's aquarium. He and his brother were laughing their fool heads off at the ferrets that were playing with each other while I scouted out the fish that would do well in our aquarium. They eventually made their way back and after showing the youngest son his choices (white cloud minnows, glowlight tetras, or cherry barbs) his choice was the tetras. We got five of them and I also got some java moss and got the moss tied to a rock (I think I need to re-tie it) and got the fish into the tank. They seem to be happy and are eating what we're feeding so that is good. I wish I had seen the panda corydoras catfish before I got the tetras as they are tougher to find and we would have scored them first. Oh well - they still may be there in the next two weeks or so when I am confident that the tetras are all right and the water parameters check out. Just a classic family moment that was th

I was awful at soccer - I was much better at basketball and stuck to that. My boys started soccer camp last weekend and did a great job. The oldest was in it last year and I saw some really nice improvement in him from last year. He is really good on defense and, when he plays the man like he should, he can stop the best of them. The youngest is in his first year and is getting his soccer legs so to speak. My wife and I split time between the two fields the boys are on (they have the same schedule) so we get to take in the games that both of them are playing. I am one of the more vocal parents on the sideline it seems and I hope that I am an encouragement to my sons. I am proud of both of them and their efforts on the field. They are both a great blessing to us and I am looking forward to the next time I can give them a thumbs up in response to their efforts on the field.

As a moderately accomplished fish keeper I was aware of the necessity of cycling an aquarium before placing fish in it, but only heard of a couple of different ways to do it: either with fish (not a great way) or fishless. The fishless way I knew about had me putting fish food in the tank until it rotted. This would produce ammonia that would end up kicking off the populating of the tank with the beneficial bacteria that that need to be developed in the artificial tank environment. These bacteria would produce nitrites that would then be consumed by other bacteria that would then produce nitrates. The nitrates would then either be eliminated by water changes or consumed by live plants. I had a decent time cycling the ten-gallon tank that my son received for his birthday as it took from July 13 until August 14 to accomplish. Instead of adding fish food to rot I added pure ammonia from a bottle to start the cycle. The only hiccup I had in the process was adding a tablespoon of ammonia t

This morning was a bit of an adventure. I was jogging (for the third time this week...um...hooray!) and I was about a quarter mile into it when a bug flew into my eye. It seemed like it had some meat to it (i.e. it was bigger than a gnat) and when I went to dislodge it from the place it had no business being in I got stung just below my eye. Man, that little booger got me good. After the initial shock wore off I decided to walk home, but it did not feel as bad as I thought so the walk turned into a jog home. Then it started to feel even better so I turned around and ran my entire route in reverse. When I got home it was smarting a little bit so I took some antihistamine, decongestant, and ibuprofen just to dull the pain a bit and to make sure there was no added pressure building up in my sinuses to increase the discomfort. As I am typing this there is still some pain, but it is a dull, bearable one with occasional spikes of "What the..." thrown in. Not a lot of swelling thoug

It has to happen. Since I broke the treadmill last year humming along at an all-too-fast pace I have not been entirely consistent about jogging. Of course it is difficult to do in 20° weather, but I have seen some really nice mornings this spring and summer and have not taken advantage of them. At the same time I have been a bit lazy and have not gone my full 3 miles preferring to dump out at 2.4 or 2.5 miles. Well, I am slowly working my way back to 3 miles and have a commitment to jog at least 3 morning a week. I would like to do 4 (I don't think I have ever jogged on a Saturday) so that may happen as well. At any rate 3 mornings a week would be a great improvement over where I have been. Thank God for second chances. I am happy that I am doing a consistent 9-minute mile now and want to see if I can stretch that into a 3-mile time of 27 or 27.5 minutes. Oh if you are on facebook be sure to visit my gallery of plaid . You won't be happy that you did...trust me.

I noticed a stick on the driveway this morning that had a gorgeous pink hue on it. I wasn't too sure where it came from because it looked otherworldly at the angle I was viewing it at. As I walked closer to it I noticed that the sun, rising in the East, was at just the right angle to illuminate it in a way that was quite unexpected. The first words that came to my mind was "Such beautiful death." Supposedly away from its life source this stick was lit in a way that was completely different - unlike anything I had experienced up to that point. So too will be my lifeless shell when I find the end of my life. My death will be even more beautiful than the light that shone on that stick that was just under the rear bumper of my car. No longer will I struggle nor will this world struggle with me. Everything that I have ever longed for awaits just beyond my beautiful death.

Divided we fall together we stand If you should fall reach out for my hand The mountains so tall in the promised land We're almost there So stay, stay with me Promenade - Promenade , Undercover This walk is so wearying at times and there is so much that makes me want to faint. There are so many things that God calls me to and to be that sometimes I wonder what in the world I have gotten myself into. But to this He has called me and how can I not be enamored with Him? And there in the midst of it all there is that gentle sometimes haunting voice that reminds me of where I had been. It reminds me how drunk I would be right now if I had been left on my own. It shows me how revolting I would have been to the hand I have to hold now; the woman by my side. Come, my love, we're almost there. Can you smell the celebration on that high and holy hill? Come now and, please, dance with me.

Not last night but the night before last I had a solid ½-¾ of an hour to work in the front garden while the boys were watching a video on how to play soccer. It is amazing how little time I need to spend in the garden to really feel relaxed and to feel like I have accomplished something. I do not think there is another activity that I could perform (work wise) that would lay claim to these feelings like gardening - so much so that it is scary as I can't explain it. Be that as it may I cut off the flowers of the hosta that had gone to seed (planting one out back to see what would happen) and fertilized the clethra and potted double impatiens out front. I was doing the "oh-no-you-don't" dance to fend off the mosquitoes that though my blood looked just about right to drink and it seemed to work out pretty well. Before you ask you don't want to see the "oh-no-you-don't" dance. Believe me.

And it still might be. As an ex-Marine John had a very unique outlook on life in general. This unique outlook also spilled over into fashion. He was a rotund man and had not aged all that well. Given his girth it was fairly obvious that he did not need a belt for his trousers to stay up. We often wondered why he wore one and little did we know that this was the day that his secret would be laid bare At the end of the sexual harassment awareness training, in a moment of true (albeit regrettable) candor John revealed "I will always wear a belt whether I need to or not. You see, if the right situation ever presented itself, I could use it as a weapon."

If there isn't any conflict in my life I love very little indeed. It seems to me that the world, my flesh, and the Devil leave well enough alone when all of my relationships are merely surface ones and have little consequence in my life. But, as soon as I want to go deeper; as soon as I want to love with more than just words, there will be conflict. It is inevitable. And if my relationship is world- and flesh-proof (as if that is possible) the Accuser himself will sow seeds to break it up. He will not have me nurturing a friendship or relationship that God will use to make me holy. That is not his game and he will seek and promote its demise. Just like the discipline that God brings our way to bring us back to Him proves that we are one of His so too does the presence of conflict in my life prove that I am in a love relationship with someone. Rather than discourage me this should embolden me for I am not unaware of his devices. Praise be to God I am not!

Our family met friends down in Lancaster, PA where we stayed in a nice hotel and went to Hershey Park and Dutch wonderland over a four-day span of time. It was great to get away and visit a couple of parks that I had never been to before. Given the age of our little guys (going into second grade and kindergarten) Dutch Wonderland was more oriented to us but Hershey Park had its own attraction as well. I got to ride the Comet roller coaster twice with my oldest son at Hershey (he loves speed) and I also rode the newest coaster there called Fahrenheit. I will have to admit that it is the most unique coaster I have ever been on (a 90° ascent with a 97° drop) and was worth the wait that we had to endure to get on it. We also had a great time at Dutch Wonderland which had a more "country fair" feel to it. I got to ride the Kingdom Coaster a couple of times with my oldest son and also the bumper cars with my youngest son. There were quite a few more rides that we could all go on as

This morning it was an almighty struggle to get out and run. I bought some new running shoes a couple of nights ago and, of course, the novelty of those wore off when I ran on Tuesday. They are so much more comfortable to run in than the ones they replaced and I like them a great deal. But struggle I did this morning, but I did go out and do my fun run so that was good. The "fishless cycling" of the aquarium is almost complete after about 2.5 weeks. My ammonia readings are at 0 ppm and the nitrites are between 1.0 and 0.5 ppm so that is good progress too. I am putting a little ammonia in every day to keep the bacteria happy and well-fed. I am going to be tossing some nice lower-light plants in there soon (anacharis, anubias, java fern) and then we'll invite the fish into their new home. I need to rebuild the caves that were knocked down and look for a better place for the submerged pirate ship the boys picked out. My next big project is to finished stripping the baseboard

Take good care Take good care of my beloved's time Innocence becomes her anyway I would gladly keep her through the winter if I could Listen slowly to her lovely eyes - The Moon and the Blue Around, Undercover If you've ever seen her eyes you would know what I have known in these times. You would see the passion that lies behind them for her God, me,and her children. You would keep her through the winter for in the face of the coldest dryness her eyes would light a splendid fire. The bluest flame of character, devotion, and purity. Gladly innocence fills her for hers is a genuine fidelity and piety. She is all that I ever wanted which speaks nothing of the need that she has met by her unsurpassed beauty. When she turns I pray that it is toward me - ever more towards me - for her presence is the sweetest perfume, her gaiety my only drink, and her life both my breath and warmth. All of this she is to me and more. No one on earth is her equal.

Gardening is a lot of work. Maintaining the garden can be an all-encompassing activity that never is exactly what I want it to be. Yesterday evening I wanted to look at the blooms and blossoms that are presenting themselves (we have much more color in the Summer from our perennials than we do in the Spring) and mightily try to ignore the weeds that have been mocking me given the recent rain. I only pulled a few of them up as I looked at the absolutely huge hydrangea bloom in the side garden. I noticed that the Solomon's Seal is holding its own just fine amidst the hosta and that the variegated hosta in flowering more whitish purple than the pure white I fancied it to be. The forsythia is stubbornly shooting more branches skyward - doesn't it know that it will get clipped for behavior like that? The clethra flowers are as fragrant as ever, but I find that I need to get my nose closer to them this year to take it in than last year. I'll have to see if that continues as I fal